Walking on Thin Ice
by VesperLogan12
Summary: What would happen if King Lot didn't die at the end of episode 2? And what if he found what Morgan was really doing on her 'walks' in the morning? Sorry, I'm rubbish at summaries! Please read and review! T rating, just to be safe. I don't own anything to do with Camelot!
1. Frustration

** A/N This is the first time I've uploaded anthing so feedback would be good! Thanks **

"Where have you been this time, Morgan?" King Lot demanded as I stalked through the doors of the Great Hall.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I prefer going for walks early in the morning?" I retorted, making him frown.

"Couldn't you wait until I wake up? Then I could go with you."

"I prefer to walk alone," was all I said, sitting down and settling back into my throne, resting my hands on the carved wooden arms. My eyes wandered around the room as I always did when I was thinking. _He was getting suspicious. It wouldn't be long before he sent someone to follow me. Then I would be in trouble. He couldn't know I was using the dark forces to help me get the throne from Arthur. It would make me look weak and then, well, heaven knows what would happen._

"What are you thinking about, my dear?" he asked, breaking into my thoughts as he closed his hand over mine and squeezed it tightly.

"Nothing important," I snapped harshly, pulling my hand away.

"You're thinking about the boy again." _Let him think that._

"I just want what is mine. I didn't wait all those years in that nunnery for it to slip away so easily."

"Of course you didn't. That boy is probably fleeing as we speak and soon we will be King and Queen of Briton."

"You're quite sure he's fleeing, are you?" I replied sarcastically and stood up, looking down on him. _Because if he did, then he clearly didn't know either my half-brother or Merlin well enough._ "I want to be alone. I'll be in my chambers if you need me." _I just needed to think things through._

* * *

On getting to my room, I paced anxiously around. _What could I do? I couldn't stop going out in the mornings. I needed my powers, but I couldn't let King Lot come either, he could not be allowed to find out..._

I sat down on the deep red covers spread over my bed. I refused to sleep in the same room as him. I needed to have my own space. Somewhere to go when I didn't want to be near him. Which was often. He was an arrogant and over-confident pain in the arse who thought he could control everybody. _Yet, of course, he couldn't control me, however much he thought he was doing._ And I had to put up with him._ I suppose it was all for a good cause in the end. _I could already feel the crown weighing down gloriously on my head. I sighed. _My life's ambition would be complete and I could live as I was always destined to live. My birth right._

There came a knock on the door.

"What?" I barked.

There was a hesitation before someone spoke.

"I'm sorry, my lady. Is it alright if I come in?" Vivian. She was the only one who knew of my powers and I knew I could trust her with my life.

"Enter, Vivian."

The door opened and a short, dark woman came in, her head bowed so all I could see was her short black hair, trimmed close to her scalp. She shut the door and looked up, those dark, kohl rimmed eyes warily looking me in the eye.

"Um, my lady, I heard what you and King Lot were talking about. I just came to see if you were alright…" she trailed off, looking down on the floor when I didn't break the eye contact.

"I'm fine, Vivian. I just needed to think."

"But what if he finds out, my lady! I mean, he can't!" I cut her off with my glare.

"That is nothing you need to worry about," I replied stiffly.

"I'm sorry, my lady," she said quietly, going back to her reserved self. "I did not mean to–"

"I know."

She nodded and, dipping her head again, she backed out of the room.

I turned to my window in frustration. I wished I could scream and let some of it out, but I knew what the reaction would be and I didn't want twenty guards in here. Instead, I curled my hands into fists on the window ledge.

I nearly did scream when someone wound their arm around my waist and kissed me on the cheek. _Of course, he wouldn't bother knocking. _I nearly rolled my eyes, but caught myself in time.

"What's wrong, my love?" King Lot whispered into my ear.

I tried to twist out of his grasp, but his arm just pulled me further into his embrace as he started to nibble at my earlobe.

"Tell me," he urged, between bites.

Reluctantly, I sighed and let myself melt into him, putting one hand over his own around my waist and the other in his hair. _How long did I have to keep this charade up? It was starting to get tiring. Lord, I couldn't wait to get rid of him. Men were so weak when it came to love. So easy to mislead._

"It's not all about the boy, is it? You're too frustrated for that, Morgan."

"I'm tired of being cooped up all the time, I suppose. Nothing has happened and I'm starting to feel… impatient."

"Perhaps I could entertain you then?"

"And how would you do that?" _I think I knew the answer already._

He smirked and released me before grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards the bed. It took all my self determination not to resist.


	2. Escaping

**A/N Not very happy with this chapter so may be edits later. And thanks to SouthKentishTown for favouriting, it means a lot :D  
As I said before, reviews would be good!**

I wanted to get up, I wanted that man to get out of my chambers, I just wanted some peace and quiet to think, but before I could do anything to grant those wishes, I heard the bed creak and a shadow fell over my face. I quickly opened my eyes and stared straight into chestnut brown eyes of King Lot.

"Hello, dear," he murmured. _Couldn't this man leave me alone for a few hours? Yes, we were supposed to be lovers, but that didn't mean I wanted to be suffocated. _

I closed my eyes briefly to control my anger before opening them and smiling up at him. He brought his hand to my face and gently brushed his thumb over my lips before sitting up fully.

"I should get back to the Great Hall. We wouldn't want anyone looking for us now, would we?" he smiled. _Yes, go!_

"Yes, I suppose one of us should." I made a move to get up, but was stopped as King Lot pushed me back down._ Just what I thought you'd do._

"I'll go. You look like you need to rest." He got up from the bed and turned away from me. I smiled smugly. _Now I would finally get that alone time._

I got up and straightened my skirts before turning to the window once more and looking out across the moors. _I needed to get out _I realised. _I needed to be free for a few moments._

With that, I turned my back to the window and strode out of the room and to the stables.

* * *

Celandine was waiting in her stall as I entered the stables, her black coat gleaming in the pale sunlight streaming through the gap in the walls of Castle Pendragon. She whickered softly as I walked over and stroked her muzzle.

"I'll be back in a moment," I whispered softly, before turning and going to find the stable-master.

"Orion, I'm going for a ride, I need you to ready Celandine as fast as you can," I ordered. _I don't know why I told him to hurry. I supposed it was just my mind telling me I needed to escape. And quickly._

"Yes, of course, my lady. I will do it immediately. If you just wait here…" I didn't hear the last part of his sentence because he was already half way to Celandine's stall. I seemed to have that effect on people.

In the few minutes he was away, I found myself subconsciously looking around in case King Lot spotted me. I did not want anyone to accompany me and if he saw me there would be no persuading him to not come with me.

"My lady… my lady…" I was broken from my thoughts by Orion talking me. I looked to where he was standing with Celandine.

"Oh… thank you, Orion," I walked over and took the reins from him.

"You're welcome, my lady. I will be here when you return."

I nodded and mounted. The gates opened for me immediately and, urging Celandine forward, I galloped through the gates.

Once out on the hills, I felt free, it allowed me to place everything out of my mind as the wind blew my long, dark hair and my cloak behind me. As I got to the top of the highest hill, I looked out across the country. _That country that should be mine,_ I thought, then pushed it from my mind. I didn't want to be reminded of all that out here. Out here where it was so beautiful with the clouds casting dark shadows over the lush, green fields and where the woods and Pendragon Castle in the distance seemed like miles away.

I used to come out here with my mother when I was little, we would ride out here, my mother would bring some food and we would eat it looking at the clouds, trying to make pictures of dragons, unicorns and other magical beasts. I sighed, those times were so happy, so carefree. But that all changed when my father, King Uther Pendragon, killed my mother so he could take Igraine for his wife instead. _That foolish, stupid Igraine._

* * *

_Flashback:_

_I'd been in my mother's room with her, sewing. She had loved both sewing and embroidering and would sit there with a smile on her face as she patiently watched me attempting to learn it._

_That time I'd managed to embroider a red-breasted robin onto the cloth. I had given it to her as a gift._

_"It's beautiful, Morgan. Thank you." _

_She'd hugged me and got up to put it on her dressing table. At that moment we'd heard footsteps approaching._

_"Quick! It's your father. Get in the wardrobe. You're supposed to be out riding!" _

_Obediently I had squeezed myself in-between my mother's gowns. It had smelt strongly of lavender. My mother's favourite scent_.

_I had watched through the keyhole as my father had entered the room and had gone up to my mother. He'd gone to kiss her. I'd seen the glint of the knife too late to give any warning but managed to stifle my screams since I was already grasping a gown to my face. Then the world had gone black._

* * *

My hands tightened on the reins. Celandine gave a little jump of alarm at my sudden movement and I realised what I had done. Loosening my grip, I got her to slow to a halt.

With tears starting to run down my face, I leaned forward against Celandine's neck and stroked her whilst staring out across the fields, remembering my mother.

A few minutes later I sat back up. _What was I doing? I never cried. _Hurriedly, I wiped the tears away. I was going to have to head back. The sky was already turning peachy pink and if I wanted to be in time for supper, I was going to have to be swift.

With one last look at my castle in the distance, I turned Celandine around and galloped down the hill.


	3. Anger

**A/N: I always get worried whether my writing is good enough to post on here. It would be cool if you guys could let me know what you think! Thanks!  
Also thanks to the person who wrote my first and at the moment, only, review! **

As I entered the gates, King Lot was standing in the courtyard, watching me with his arms crossed. Several people were standing near him, watching curiously as I entered the gates.

I dismounted and handed Celandine to Orion before strolling over to him. _I was not going to let him intimidate me. _

"Where were you, Morgan? I looked all over for you and then when I came to the stables, I was told you had gone for a ride."

"You just answered your own question then, didn't you?" I started to walk past him, but he grasped my arm and turned me back towards him.

"I don't believe I have finished talking with you."

I rolled my eyes. _I believe I have finished talking to you though, Lot._

"Don't you dare roll your eyes at me, Morgan!" He shook me, shocking me out of my thoughts. He was trembling with rage. _Scarily trembling with rage, _I thought. _Yet, I could not show weakness in front of my people._

"Let go of me, Lot!" I managed to say with some authority and then yanked my arm free before striding quickly into the castle. I knew he would follow me when he got out of the shock that I had defied him in front of everyone.

Going up to my chambers, I shut the door behind me and leaned heavily against it closing my eyes and taking several shaky breaths. _What was I thinking, getting him to come here? It would have been easier to get the crown on my own. _

Moments later I heard King Lot's heavy footsteps coming down the corridor and stepped away from the door seconds before it was thrown open. King Lot's bulky frame filled the doorway. I looked at him. His eyes were narrowed in silent fury, his hands in fists at his side.

"How dare you make a mockery of me in front of our people?" he roared. _My people_, I wanted to correct him, but immediately thought better of it.

When I didn't answer him, he walked forward and slammed the door shut behind him. I winced slightly.

"I asked you a question, Morgan," he snarled.

"I think your earlier statement should be rephrased as how dare you make a mockery of _me_ in front of _my_ people, Lot." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

He made a noise that sounded like a growl and lunged at me. I tried to dodge him, but he caught my arm before I could move. I gasped in pain as his nails dug into my skin.

"What did you just say?" he hissed into my ear. _You know exactly what I said_, I thought to myself, but I didn't answer he realised I wasn't going to, he continued. "You should know by now, Morgan, that I don't tolerate anybody speaking to me in that way."

"I demand that you let go of me, Lot." My arm was still hurting from his grip and I just wanted him to go away. I could feel another of the dull aches starting in my temples and I really didn't want it to get worse because of a shouting match that really wasn't necessary.

He ignored me and carried on talking.

"You're lucky that I'm not going to punish you in a way I would any other person who talks to me like that. If it happens again, I will not be so generous. Do you understand?"

"Lot–"

"Just answer yes or no!" he snapped.

"Yes, I understand," I said through gritted teeth. _Lord, does he have to be difficult?_

"Good." He relaxed his grasp on my forearm so it didn't hurt as much. "Now, why didn't you tell me you were going for a ride? Why did I have to find out from the stable master? "

"I was under no obligation that I was to tell you what I was doing when." His grip tightened slightly again.

"It would bode better for you if you weren't so rude to people above you, Morgan. I am a king, lest you forget, and you are only a Lady."

"A Lady who should be Queen of Briton," I spat.

"But who isn't yet and won't be if I leave." _That's what he thinks, the arrogant fool. But then again, I had to let him think that. With him at my side, things would go a lot… smoother._

"It's my birth right!" I yelled.

"We are not going over this again, Morgan. You will have your birth right, but we can't rush our plan. We can't afford for this to go wrong."

"It won't! We're letting them have too much time to–"

"Enough, Morgan!"

"But–" I was cut off as King Lot's hand came smashing across my cheek. He let go of my arm and let me stumble into one of the bed posts. Tears of shock ran down my face.

"You brought me here thinking you could control me, Morgan. But you were wrong. Very wrong."

With one last glower at me, he opened the door, stormed out and slammed it shut behind him.


	4. Memories and Punishment

**A/N: I don't know whether to carry on with this story as I don't know if anyone is enjoying it. If you want me to continue, please review or PM me! Thanks x**

Once I had covered up the hand shaped bruise on my cheek and composed myself as much as I thought I could, I went to the door and tried to turn the handle. To my confusion, it wouldn't budge. I tried again and it still didn't move. Then, it suddenly occurred to me what the small clicking noise must have been when King Lot had left the room. He had locked me in! I growled in frustration. _Who did he think I was? A small child?_

I turned and stalked to my window, my anger settling back in. _How much longer could I possibly handle this? How on earth was I going to be able to survive being married to this man? Once I had got the crown, I was going to have to get rid of him some way. An accident perhaps?_ I sighed. _I suppose I have to get the throne before I could start thinking of methods to dispose of him._

I looked out of the window at the clouds settling in for the night. Thoughts of my mother filled my head. I had so few memories of her, being only six years old when she was killed.

One thing I did remember, however, was her smile. She was always smiling. Her eyes used to light up and she almost seemed to glow with radiance. Everyone always said it was no wonder my father had married her, she was so beautiful. I remembered sitting in her chamber once and taking turns to comb each other's hair before we retired for the night. She had to sit on her stool for me to be able to reach and comb that silky black hair and then she had sat me on her lap and done mine, careful not to tug on the knots that had formed during the day. Mine wasn't as dark as hers. Nor as shiny. It never was, although it did get darker as I grew older.

However the one thing that I will never, ever forget was the promise I made her. The promise that I would become Queen and care for my people as she did and she had been a fair Queen, always respecting her King, and everyone loved her. I wanted to be the same. She used to tell me that I would be Queen of Briton someday and so I promised her that I would. But now that had been taken away from me. The last thing I promised my mother that I would do had been taken away from me and I had to get it back.

* * *

Only when it was pitch black outside, did King Lot come back. The key turning in the lock startled me out of my daydream. Turning to face him, I saw that he was grinning. Casually he wiped a hand over his mouth, removing the crumbs from his face.

"You never arrived for supper, Morgan. We had to eat it without you," he said, smiling sweetly. _So that's what he'd done. Let me go without supper to show me the error of my ways. Did he really think that treating me like a child was going to work? _"It was a shame. It was your favourite. Quail soup and swan."

"You… you bastard!" I snarled, he knew how partial I was to quail soup in particular. My stomach rumbled, I hadn't eaten since midday! "You cannot punish me like a child!"

"I can when you're acting like one. And besides, I'm sure Uther would have punished you harsher than that. He didn't even want you. He wanted a son."

"Don't you dare mention my father!"

I could remember Uther's punishments. Those damp, dark and cold dungeons were not a pleasant place to be, let alone when you were only five years of age. I shivered. The manacles on the wall had always left harsh marks on my wrists that stayed for a long time afterwards, reminding me of my punishment. Lot was right, Uther hadn't loved me. He had wanted a son and I was always a disappointment to him, ever since my birth. That's why he banished me to the nunnery across the sea after he murdered my mother. Then he got his son and forgot about me. Arthur. The name still made my hands fist in anger. He had got everything and I hated him for it.

"Ooh, struck a nerve, have we?" King Lot continued to taunt. I raised a hand to hit him but he was too quick, grabbing my wrist and twisting it behind my back so I was pulled close to him. "You can't get the upper hand of me, Morgan. You'd better watch yourself. The next time anything like this happens, I won't be so lenient. Do you understand?"

"Lot–" I started, but was cut off when he twisted my arm even further, making me cry out in surprise and pain.

"I asked you whether you understood so answer me," he growled.

"Yes, I understand." I wanted to lunge at him and claw his eyes out, but I knew better than that. He would only punish me further.

"Good girl."

He released me suddenly and I stumbled forwards. I turned and glared at him. He gave me a knowing smile and walked towards the door. Just as he got there, he turned back.

"You're free to leave your chambers, but the kitchen has been ordered not to give you any food so don't think about going down there. I will know if you do." He smiled once more and then walked out.

I waited until I could no longer see him and then turned to face the window once more. _The wolf would help me get rid of him, _I thought. _ It will know what to do. I can't put up with him any longer, crown or no crown. I would just find another way to take it. Men were clearly not the way to this._


	5. Walks in the Morning

**A/N Thank you to the person who left a review :) I promise there will be something more interesting in the next chapter. Please, please, please review. I would love to know if people are enjoying it or if there is anything I should change etc.! **

I awoke early the next morning just as the sun was rising, casting orange and yellow beams of light through the window that illuminated the furniture in the room. I loved this time of day, the sun made it so beautiful and it was so quiet and peaceful. Plus, no one was awake yet so it was the best time of day for me to do the things I needed to do privately.

I washed and changed swiftly into a black velvet gown. The under-gown was a deep crimson, embroidered with swirling leaves and spirals in golden thread. Black ribbon laced the front of the bodice and the sleeves flared from the elbow, stopping shortly before my wrists. Perfect for going to the woods, for it was so dark, it would be unlikely anyone would be able to see me.

Grabbing my cloak, I strode out of my chambers and headed towards the kitchens. Down there, I quickly found Rosa, the head cook, who packed some food into a little bundle for me to eat on my way and gave me some bread to nibble at while I was waiting, seeing as though I was now allowed food after King Lot's punishment.

On getting out of the gates, I turned left and headed for the darkness of the forest next to the castle. Apart from the castle itself, the woods were definitely my favourite place to be. I loved the smell of the trees and flowers, the calming rustle of the leaves on the trees and the soft, springy ground underfoot. The whole atmosphere was relaxing. It gave me a place to escape to. However, that was not why I was here today. Today I needed to seek the wolf. I needed its advice.

* * *

Once I found the clearing, I knelt on the ground and found a reasonably sturdy stick. After quickly checking that there was nobody about, I drew a semicircle in the damp mud around me and pulled out my dagger from inside my cloak. It had belonged to my mother and had been one of the last things she had given it to me before she was killed. Its hilt was decorated in shining rubies that glittered in the early morning sun and the blade was sharp and pointed. It was my most treasured possession.

Carefully, I sliced the top of my finger open and let the blood mingle with the damp soil in front of me. Almost immediately, a wind started to pick up, making my hair swirl around me. I looked up at the rustling trees, searching for some kind of life.

"Where are you?" I whispered. There was no response. I whispered it again, still looking round at the trees around me. _It has to be here somewhere. It wouldn't leave me. Not at a time like this._

Suddenly I heard a low growl in my head. I smiled. _I knew it wouldn't have left me_.

"What do you want to know, sorceress?"

"I can't put up with that King Lot any longer. I need a way to get rid of him," I said, getting straight to the point. I felt the wolf getting angry.

"Careful what you say, Morgan," it warned. "If you want the throne, you will have to get on with him. Surely you can put up with him for a few more weeks?"

"There are other ways to get the throne. I can't deal with him and his need to control everything. You told me I would be able to keep him under my control and yet I find myself being locked in my room and going without supper. He is treating me as though I am a child!"

"I cannot predict human beings, Morgan. You should know that."

"I have to get rid of him. You have no idea how humiliating it is to be ordered around in your own castle!"

"Get a hold of yourself. You say there are other ways for you to get this throne, what else are you planning?" The voice sounded disbelieving. I frowned. I didn't like people treating me like this.

"I have my powers. And you." I sighed in frustration. "I will find a way to take it."

"No doubt you will, but I am not going to tell you unless you get another plan."

With that, the wind stopped blowing and I sensed the wolf was no longer there. I growled in anger and picked myself up of the floor. _I was so sure the wolf would have helped me. Now it hadn't, I didn't know what to do. King Lot was going to realise something was up if I stayed in a mood like this all the time. I was going to have to do something to make him less suspicious. To reassure him of my loyalty to him. _

I turned round and was about to stride off when I could have sworn I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I froze for a moment. '_Come on, Morgan. You're getting paranoid. Of course no one's there, King Lot wouldn't have you followed yet. He isn't that suspicious,' _my inner voice piped up. _Of course not, _I told myself. _I was just being stupid._

I quickly left the clearing and started heading back to the castle. King Lot would be up by now and I needed to get back before he realised I was missing this morning. I'm sure he wouldn't allow me be late again without there being some kind of explanation other than my 'walks' in the mornings.


	6. Caught

**A/N: I like writing this chapter. Please read and review!**

On getting back to Pendragon Castle, I went straight up to my chambers to put away my cloak in my armoire. I stepped into my chambers and immediately knew something was wrong. I froze, looking round at my furniture. My gaze rested on the dark corner on the opposite side of the room.

I was just about to ask who was there when, suddenly, King Lot stepped out of the shadows. I tensed. _What was he doing here?_

"Would you like to explain what is going on, Morgan?" he asked coldly. Too coldly.

"I went out for my walk, Lot. You know I like to walk in the mornings."

"I don't see you as the walking type. I fear there is something else going on. You would do good to tell me, Morgan."

"There is nothing going on, Lot. I don't know what you're talking about," I insisted.

"Oh, I think you do, my lady," came a voice from behind me. I swivelled round to find one of King Lot's most trusted men, Sir Ivan, behind me.

"What is the meaning of this?" I said, feeling very outnumbered. _What is going on?_ "This is none of your business."

"I'm afraid that it is, Morgan. You see, I sent Ivan to follow you this morning."

"What? This is an outrage! You can't do that!" I screamed at him. _There was someone there this morning" But that meant he saw… he heard… everything! My morning was going from bad to worse._

"Oh, but I think you'll find that I can. Ivan, tell us what you saw," King Lot ordered.

_Should I make a run for it? Can I risk his reaction?_ Before I could do anything, King Lot grasped my arm, clearly remembering the night before when I had tried to escape.

"Oh no you don't, Morgan. You're staying right here. You know, if there was nothing going on, you wouldn't be thinking of running for it. Now, I'm getting rather suspicious."

"I thought you were already suspicious," I said sarcastically, not being able to help myself, despite the fact I was starting to shake.

"I don't think you're in any position to be rude to me," King Lot hissed into my ear. "Now, Ivan, would you please put me out of my misery." _Misery? Did he have to be so overdramatic? _I rolled my eyes.

"My lord, are you sure you don't wish me to tell you in private?" Ivan asked, looking at me nervously as if I was going to kill him on the spot. 

"Yes, I'm sure, Ivan. Now spit it out."

"I think Ivan has a point," I put in, but was immediately cut off by King Lot.

"Hold your tongue!" he warned, before turning back to Ivan.

"Well, sire, I followed her until she got to this clearing and then she stopped. I didn't understand what she was doing, but then she knelt on the ground and drew a semicircle on the ground around her." _Oh God, he had actually followed me. He had… he knew about my sorcery! _"I kept watching and she cut her finger using a dagger and the wind suddenly picked up. It was sorcery, sire, I know it!"

"You must be joking, Lot! You had this man follow me and now you let him accuse me of sorcery?" I raged. "He's lying!"

"I told you to hold your tongue, Morgan." He turned his head to address Ivan. "You said you saw her performing sorcery?"

"Yes, the dark kind, my lord. Yet there is more. She is plotting to get rid of you! She was asking someone how to!"

"This is ridiculous! You can't possibly believe him!" I intervened again. Neither of them listened.

"Who was she talking to? Who was there with her?" King Lot's grip on my arm was getting stronger, crushing the purple and black bruises he had caused the night before. I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from emitting any sounds.

"There was no one there, sire. That's what convinced me it was sorcery. And dark sorcery at that."

"Thank you, Ivan. You may go, I will deal with the Lady Morgan alone."

"Of course, my lord." He bowed and backed out of the door, carefully shutting it behind him.

"What is the meaning of this, Morgan?" King Lot's eyes bored into mine. _I must stay strong. I must stay strong._

"I don't know what he was talking about, Lot. Surely you can't believe him?" My voice shook, betraying me.

"If he wasn't telling the truth, then you won't hesitate in showing me your fingers as none of them will bear any mark that you cut yourself." _Now I was in trouble. _"Morgan! Show them to me!"

Before I had time to do anything else, he grabbed them himself. It didn't take him long to spot the deep cut on the top of my left index finger. He shoved me away, sending me toppling onto the floor. I gasped in pain as my head rapped against the stone floor.

"You lying witch! You would go into the woods to use those powers to summon dark spirits to get rid of me? You would dare to go behind my back and think that I wouldn't find out? Well, you're wrong. Very wrong, witch. You will pay for your disrespect towards me. I will make you regret the day you were even born!"

"Oh and how will you make me do that?" I hissed, trying to get up and regain some dignity, but failing miserably and ending with me falling back onto my hands and knees. I looked up at him, glaring with malice.

He smiled down at me.

"Oh, my dear. There are more ways than you could possibly imagine," he smirked.

I swallowed, but continued narrowing my eyes at him.

"How would you like the court to know about your little… activities?" he suggested, still smiling.

"You wouldn't dare!" I retorted. _He wouldn't. He couldn't, could he?_

"Oh really? Imagine what they'll say when they hear that their beloved Lady is summoning dark spirits to take over Camelot and to kill the King of Lothian?"

"You can't!"

"You should have thought about this when you were busy plotting to kill me, witch. Now get up, we have some business to attend to."

I just stared at him in horror.


	7. Humiliation

**A/N: Sorry it's quite short, I haven't had a lot of time lately. I'm unsure on this chapter so reviews would be good! **

There I was, standing in front of my court in the courtyard as they all whispered to each other about what was going on. I felt sick. The court that I had cared for for the last month were going to hate me. What would they do? Let King Lot own the castle? Tell my brother? The worst thing of it all was that it was going to be so humiliating. How could I ever live that down? I hated King Lot for doing this to me. I looked at him standing next to me and nearly growled. Just the sight of him made my stomach revolt.

Sensing my gaze, he turned his head to look at me. _He looked so smug. I just wanted to punch him in the face just to see that grin disappear._

"Are you ready for this, my dear?" he asked, still smirking. I scowled at him. He just laughed. "Perhaps you should have thought about this before you decided to betray me, then we wouldn't be in this situation, would we?"

"You son of a bitch!" I hissed. "I don't even know why I bothered calling you down for an alliance, I would have been far better off without you!"

King Lot's grin faded. I nearly smiled.

"I would watch what you say to me, Morgan. I think you've already pushed me far enough without making it worse for yourself," he snarled quietly into my ear before turning to address the rest of the court.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, you are probably wondering why you have been called at such short notice, but it has been brought to my attentions that Lady Morgan here, has been deceiving us all."

At once, whispers arose in the crowd and all gazes turned to me, glares and wide eyes alike. I refused to back down. I had done nothing wrong. This was my court and therefore I should have been able to run it how I like. I loved my people, I could never have hurt them. All I wanted was to be a good Queen.

King Lot's hand, once more snaked around my arm, making it look as though I was some kind of prisoner. Subtly, I tried to pull my arm away, but King Lot only held it firmer. I looked at him, only to find that he was smirking down at me.

"You see, Lady Morgan is, in actual fact, a sorceress."

The whispers arose once more, and many people stumbled back, away from where I was standing. _They were afraid of me_, I realised sadly.

Suddenly, an idea formed in my head. I looked back up at King Lot's smug face and feigned shock.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Lot. Where did you find these ridiculous rumours? Of course I'm not a sorceress!"

I nearly heard him growl as the worry disappeared from a lot of faces.

"You were seen this morning, in the woods–"

"How is that possible? I was never in the woods this morning!" I lied.

"You weren't in your chambers–"

"I was in the kitchens! Seeing as though you starved me last night, I decided to get some food!"

"You lying witch! How dare you speak to me like that!"

He shoved me up against the wall, crushing my front onto it with his body and pinning my hands with one of his on the top of the wall, grinding them painfully into the stone. I felt the anger flare up in me. _He was not going to continue humiliating me in front of my court. _

I struggled slightly, trying to get him off me, but it was to no avail. He only pushed me further into the wall and made me gasp in pain before I could stop myself. The court was silent. _Clearly, no one knew what to do_, I thought and stopped struggling , realising that I was only humiliating myself more.

"I'll show you that you can't control me. That you can't run away from me! I'll show you!" King Lot snarled, loud enough that everyone could hear.

Suddenly, he slipped a leg in between mine and pushed one outwards so my legs were parted. It was then I realised his intent…


	8. An Attempt to Escape

**A/N: Sorry it's a bit short, I'll try and make it longer next time :)  
As usual, please read and review and also, thanks to Darkprince2040 for favouriting!**

"You bastard!" I hissed as he proceeded to place his free hand on the inside of my thigh. _I couldn't let him do this. Not in front of all my people._

"You shouldn't talk to me like that then, should you, Morgan?" he whispered into my ear.

Suddenly, my anger got the better with me, and, with a growl, I kicked out my foot, connecting with his groin. He doubled over, letting go of his grip on me. I took the chance and ran for the castle.

"Seize her!" I heard King Lot order, but nobody moved apart from his own men, who then had trouble getting through the unmoving crowd.

I kept running until I got to my chambers. _What was I going to do now? That was the second time I had walked away from him in front of people and he was not going to take it lightly, especially as that was supposed to be my humiliation, not his._

I locked the door and went through my room, gathering some of my belongings. _I couldn't stay here. Not while King Lot was still here. I'm sure I can ally myself with another king and take this -_

"Morgan! Open this door!" King Lot roared, interrupting my thoughts.

I didn't answer him and carried on collecting a few things. The door handle jiggled, but the door didn't move.

"Morgan! I told you to open this door!" he shouted again.

"I know you did," I couldn't help but call back.

"Well then, do it now!"

"What makes you think that I will? It's not going to help me, is it?"

"If you do not open this door immediately, I will be forced to break it down!" he warned.

That made me freeze. _He wouldn't, would he?_

"Morgan? This is your last warning. Open the door, now!"

I still didn't move.

"Fine, have it your way!" he yelled.

I looked at the door with wide eyes as King Lot and his men rammed into it, making it shake and splinters of wood fly in all directions. I heard them draw back and try again and this time the wood shook even more. I didn't know what to do. I had no way out. My chambers were too high off the ground for me to jump out of the window and survive.

Before I had any more time to think, the door burst open, chunks of wood scattering everywhere. I ducked behind the bed before any of them could hit me.

"Go." I heard King Lot tell his men, which was followed by the clatter of boots leaving the room.

I stood up. King Lot was in his usual angry pose of his arms folded across his front. I nearly laughed, but my worriedness got the better of me and I just stood there, frozen. _What was he going to do?_

"I should drag you back out there," he started and I couldn't stop my gasp. "But, I have a better idea. Now, are you going to come here, or do I have to come and get you?"

I walked over with as much dignity as I could muster.

"Good girl," Lot smirked and I glared at him.

We went out the back way, but before I could even turn to ask Lot where we were going, a sack was roughly pulled over my head, plunging me into darkness.

"Lot! Take this off me at once!" I screamed at him, as he pulled my hands behind my back and tied them tightly together.

"Not liking the feeling that someone else is in control, Morgan?" he sneered. I growled at him.

I felt someone lift me up and throw me on the back of a horse. I gripped the back of the saddle tightly, terrified that I was going to fall off.

"Hold on, sweetheart," was all King Lot said before the horse jerked forwards.


	9. The Moors

**A/N: As usual please review!**

Micheska: Thank you very much! Eva was the only reason I watched it as well to be honest! She's an amazing actress! Do you comment a lot on EvaGreenWeb? I recognise the name :)

Blackness. I couldn't see anything. All I could fell was the itchiness of the sack irritating my neck and the wind snatching at my gossamer gown, pressing it against me. Just as I was about to ask where we were, my hands were yanked above my head and pulled against something that felt like a post before being bound to it.

"Lot, what are you doing?" I demanded.

He didn't answer me, but I could feel his smirk. _The arrogant pig_, I thought and ground my teeth together in frustration

Just as I was about to ask again, the sack was dragged off my head and, as my eyes focused, I could see where we were. Surrounding me were the muddy green fields of the moors. The moors in the middle of nowhere. I shivered as the wind blew, making goose bumps rise on my arms.

"Release me!" I ordered, but King Lot just laughed.

"You need to be taught a lesson, my dear. I'll see you in the morning." _The morning? Was he mad? I'd die of cold._ "That is if the wolves don't tear you to pieces first."

"Don't do this!" I cried, but he ignored me, walking away to his horse and riding off. _Damn you, Lot, _I thought and looked around. There was no sign of human habitation anywhere in my view. I was stuck. Well and truly stuck.

* * *

As night drew in, I felt the cold. My gossamer dress wasn't the best thing to be wearing outside at night. I had hoped that King Lot had been trying to frighten me and was going to come back and say he had been joking, but as the darkness grew, I realised he had been perfectly serious. I didn't know how I was going to get to sleep after what he'd told me, even the wind was making me jump.

Soon it was pitch black, but even as the moon began to rise, illuminating the fog in a dim, vague, colourless palette, I still had my doubts about getting to sleep.

Just as I was losing myself to my thoughts, I sensed something through the fog. Something was there. Watching me.

"Who is it?" I called. No one answered. I caught something out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned my head, there was nothing there. _It was only the fog moving_, I tried to convince myself, but I knew that I was never going to get to sleep now. That thing could still be there, and I wasn't going to give it a more vulnerable moment.

I managed to keep myself awake until dawn finally broke across the hills. The thing had gone at some point overnight. I felt myself relax and exhaustion took over my body. I soon felt my drooping eyes close.

* * *

I awoke suddenly as somebody lifted my chin and caressed my lips. _Lot._ I opened my eyes and looked straight into amused brown ones. I frowned.

"Good morning. I trust you slept well?" he asked, a smile teasing at his lips. I glared at him. "Now, now, I'm sure you wouldn't want to spend another night out here, would you?"

I immediately softened my gaze. I hated taking orders, but I didn't want another night out on the moors more. I don't think even he knew how much I hated his guts.

"Good girl. Now, are you going to stop all this sneaking out in the mornings?"

_He's still acting as though I'm a misbehaved child, _I realised angrily. However, being in the situation I was, I was in no position to do anything but agree.

"Yes."

"Yes what?" he prompted.

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I knew that it would only get me into more trouble so I resisted it and answered him.

"Yes, _my lord_."

"Good. I'm glad you've learnt your lesson." He reached up at cut the rope binding my hands to the post and I fell to the floor, not realising how weak my legs were from standing up all night. I felt him bend down beside me.

"Come on, once we get back to the castle, I'll have food sent up to your chambers for you. I'm sure you are rather hungry." Immediately, the pain in my stomach became clear again and when I looked at him, he was smirking. _He did it on purpose, the son of a bitch._

He pulled me up and near enough dragged me to his horse.

"There's only my horse. I'll give you a choice, you can either sit on the back behind me or walk back to the castle. And, my dear, it is a long way back," King Lot told me. Again, I could see clearly what he had done. If I went on the back, behind him, I was going to have to cling on to him, which was going to make us look like we were lovers again when we entered the courtyard, or he was going to ride off and I'd have to find my own way back and I could see that as being near impossible, seeing as I had no idea where I was in the first place.

I sighed. What choice did I have?

"I'll sit on the back behind you."

"Excellent choice. Now, when we get back, if anyone asks any questions. I was misinformed and you were punished for not respecting me," he explained. Then his eyes narrowed and grasped hold of my chin to stop me from looking away. _As if I was going to._ "However, should I find that you've been sneaking out again, witch, then I will not hesitate to have you killed. Do you understand me?"

"Yes… my lord."

"Good. You're lucky I'm giving you a second chance. You should know fully well that I don't give many second chances."

"Then why are you giving one to me?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"I want the throne as much as you do, my dear. That boy doesn't deserve to rule Briton and you're the best chance I have of getting the crown. However, we need to be on our way. I'm sure you are hungry enough." He winked at me before mounting the horse. I scowled at him before he had the chance to turn and give me a hand with getting on behind him. _I was not going to give up on getting rid of him yet._


	10. A Cold Shoulder

**A/N: Please read and review, I'd love to know if there was any interest in this story!**

Over the next few weeks, I stopped myself from going out in the morning, but I turned a cold shoulder to Lot, and he noticed. I hadn't forgiven him for what he did and I knew he was getting frustrated with me, but I didn't care, he had ruined everything. I was practically a prisoner in my own castle. I couldn't go anywhere without someone watching my every move to check I wasn't sneaking out to use my powers.

We were sat in the Great Hall one evening, eating supper, when he decided to confront me.

"You've been giving me the cold shoulder recently, Morgan," he stated.

"Yes…" I said, rolling my eyes and making King Lot frown.

"Well, why? What I have ever done to you?"

I couldn't help but laugh loudly. _Was he really that stupid?_

"What have you ever done to me, hmm? Well, you've taken over my castle, acted like I'm a small child, punished me like I'm a small child, treated me as though I'm a prisoner by not letting me go anywhere without someone keeping an eye on me… and that's just the start."

King Lot gawped at me for a second and I allowed myself to smile. _Can't think of a smart remark to that, eh, Lot?_

"How many times do I have to tell you to respect me, Morgan? I'm your King!"

I refused to flinch and stared at him calmly, raising an eyebrow. He opened his mouth to say something else, but suddenly the doors were thrown open, making us both jump. Sir Ivan ran in and went straight to King Lot, a worried look on his face.

"Sire, a messenger has just arrived from Lothian Castle. He–"

"Lothian? Are you certain?" King Lot stood up, alarmed. Even I was confused. Clearly, something had happened. Something Lot obviously wasn't expecting.

"Yes, he says that Lothian Castle is going to be attacked. He says they've had word that an army are on their way from Cenred's land."

"Cenred? But that's a long way–" Ivan cut him off.

"He says that he's allied with someone nearby. He also said that they will be able to hold them off for a little while, but eventually they'll fall. They need a King to command them."

King Lot paused, as if pondering what to do. I could only see one option and it looked good for me. If he wanted to keep Lothian, then he would have to go.

"Then I'll have to go at once," he decided finally to my delight.

Even though, inside, I was smiling, on the outside, I kept my face blank, not wanting him to notice my glee.

"I'm sorry, Morgan, but our plans will have to wait. I must go immediately, I cannot allow Lothian to fall."

"I understand, my lord. I would do the same if it were the other way round. Go as soon as you must," I told him, all the while the same thing was going round my head. _I would be able to take charge of my castle now. I would be able to do as I wished. I was free! _

* * *

The next day came around fast and I was stood at the gates, ready to say farewell to Lot and his men. I leant against the wall as they all mounted their horses and rode out of the gate. Last of all was Lot himself, and I nearly groaned as he rode over to me. _What did he want now?_

"Morgan, if you need any help, anything like that, just send me a messenger. I don't know whether you realise how hard it is to run a castle," Lot told me and I had to smother my laughter. _The fool, I wasn't stupid. I knew exactly how to run a castle, and I had help, although, he didn't know about that._

"I managed this castle fine for the first couple of months before you arrived, I'm sure I'll be I won't need anything from you, Lot. I am perfectly capable of handling this castle alone. You don't need to be worried about me."

He glared at me and rode off without saying another word, not even looking back as he disappeared out of view.

I pushed myself off the wall and strode back into the castle, content. _Lot was gone. I wasn't going to be punished like a small child anymore, I could use my powers to find another way to the throne and I could be Queen of Briton without that heavy lump ordering me around like I was a servant. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to get the throne yet, but one thing I was completely certain of was that men were not my way to my dream, and that I was just going to find a different way to take it._


	11. A Hefty Request

**A/N: Sorry for the lateness of this chapter! I have a lot going on at the moment :(  
Please review! It really helps motivate me because there aren't a lot of people following this story (thank you to those who do, members and guests alike!)**

Life was going smoothly with King Lot gone. My people seemed happier now he and his men were no longer around to bully them and I was happier being in charge once more. I could go wherever I wanted without having to worry about King Lot chancing upon finding and punishing me.

Settling back into my throne, I sighed satisfactorily. _Now I could get on with another plan. I would get that throne, whatever it took! It was just finding the right idea that would work. _I had been to visit the wolf the night after King Lot had left. It hadn't been very helpful, talking to me in riddles I couldn't understand and then disappearing when I got annoyed with it. I had decided I would need Vivian's help on this matter, it was just the case of finding her when we could be alone.

"My lady, there is a messenger from the coast. He requests an audience with you," one of my guards informed me, cutting into my thoughts.

"Fine, do you know what it's about?" _Couldn't I go a week without something happening?_

"No, I'm sorry, my lady. He won't say anything to anyone but you."

"Alright, send him in." I rolled my eyes and leant back in my throne once more.

The guard walked out and a few seconds later, the door reopened. This time to let in the messenger. He was a tall man, with scraggly black hair that just dusted his shoulders and a face full of hair. He couldn't have been a lot older than me, but the time by the sea must have aged his skin, making it look wrinkled and dark. He was wearing a filthy grey tunic and even darker grey breeches and his leather shoes had worn through so you could see his toes poking out the end. The whole sight of him disgusted me, but I forced a smile as he knelt before me.

"I heard you wished to speak with me?" I asked.

"Yes, my lady. You see, it's hard to explain, but please try to understand," he started, looking at me pleadingly. He had a peculiar accent. It took me a moment to place it and when I did, I narrowed my eyes.

"You're French?"

"Oui, my lady–"

"What are you doing here? Why are you in Briton? How did you even get here?" I demanded.

"Please let me finish, my lady. I came over here about ten years ago. My mother was from here and she wished to return home after my father died."

"Fine, although, I am sure that is not why you came to see me."

"No, my lady. It is just I have had a letter from France telling me that a French Lord, Lord Brant of Pierrefonds, is wishing to come over to Briton."

"Brant? That's not very French, is it?" _A frenchman with the same name as my English uncle? What was going on here?_

"No, my lady, some of his family is from Briton. That is why he wishes to come over."

"What has this got to do with me? Surely something like this should have gone to my brother, King of Briton?" _Not that I would wish him to be._

"Ah, my lady, it's just he will be needing somewhere to stay. I could not ask that of your brother, he has too many other matters on his mind. And, please do not say anything to him, but I trust you more, he is too… too… he doesn't know how to rule well enough yet. You are more independent, he is too young."

"I see, but do you not see my dilemma? If I allow a French Lord into castle, who will trust me then?" _Was this man really as foolish as he seemed?_

"My lady, I beg of you. You will not go unrewarded. He will bring gold and all his cohorts will be at your service."

"I see… you will have to give me some time to think about this. You understand it is a hefty request?"

"Yes, I know, my lady. I apologise greatly, but I had no one else to turn to."

"Very well. You are welcome to stay here until I make a decision. When is this Lord expected to arrive?"

"Thank you, my lady," the man said graciously. "He will land in the next week, according to the letter. I apologise for the late notice."

"Yes, well, I will have William take you to your chambers. You shall have my decision by morning."

"Thank you, my lady. You are so kind."

I had to smother a laugh at his words. _No one had ever called me kind before. Ruthless and strong, yes, but not kind. I could imagine Merlin's face at that. He wouldn't believe it. The woman whom he had hated, the woman from whom he had stolen her birth right and had sworn revenge, kind?_

"William!" I called. Immediately the door opened.

"Yes, my lady?"

"Take…" I looked at the man kneeling before me, expecting him to answer with his name. He did.

"Drake, my lady. Drake Fournier."

"Take Drake to a room and get a maid to make it up for him. He will be staying the night," I ordered.

"Of course, my lady." William bowed and signalled for Drake to follow him.

"Oh, and William, make sure he gets clean clothes and shoes," I added, watching Drake get up, bow to me and walk out of the room.

"Yes, my lady," he answered and shut the door behind them.

I relaxed into my throne once more. _What was I going to do? If anyone found out I was harbouring a French Lord, they wouldn't trust me. They would think I was plotting with the French. I would lose every chance of gaining my birth right, and most probably my head!_


	12. The Decision

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I got writer's block :( but it's finally done. Sorry if some of it doesn't sound right. Please review**

**Micheska: I visit EGW nearly everyday too, though I don't comment very often ;) And thanks, I hope this is satisfactory.**

"Vivian, what am I to do? I can't just accept this Lord so easily. They'll find out, with all their men, they'll find out. Then what will I do?" I was pacing around my room, ranting all my concerns at faithful Vivian standing in the doorway.

"My lady, if you please, you should not worry about this. It is very unlikely that the King will find out if, as you say, his name is Brant. You said that it is a name from Briton, who is going to be suspicious of that?"

"But what happens if they _do_ want to meet him? His accent will give him away immediately! I cannot afford to be caught, not after Merlin found out what I was up to with my powers. It will ruin any chance of me getting my birth right!"

"It will give you men, my lady. I can tell that you are worried about this Lord being like King Lot. Not all men are like that, I can assure you. Anyway, you are above him. You are the King's sister, he is only a Lord. He has no right to order you about for it will forfeit his stay in this castle. You are showing him an act of kindness by letting him stay."

"I suppose you are right, Vivian. I have to give Drake the answer this morning. The only thing that's bothering me is Merlin and his sixth sense. He came to my father even when he didn't know what was wrong. He sensed the danger…" I trailed off.

"You aren't planning anything though, my lady. He cannot sense danger if there isn't any."

I bit my lip. "I think I have made my decision, Vivian. Thank you, you may go now."

Vivian's mouth twisted into a rare smile as she bowed her head. "Of course, my lady," she murmured and, with her head still bowed, she backed out of the room, leaving me to think about how I would put to the man in words what I had come to in my decision.

I was still thinking as I finally made my way down to the Great Hall to break my fast. As I entered through the doors, I found that Drake was not yet there, which gave me a bit more time. It wasn't that what I wanted to say was difficult to put into words, it was just how to make sure I was making the right decision.

The doors opened just as I was about to tuck into some duck, revealing Drake, dressed in the new clothes I had ordered for him to be given. He looked very different. Also, it looked as though he had actually washed. His beard wasn't as bushy and his skin looked pinker after the dirt and grime had seemingly been scrubbed off.

"I trust you slept well?" I asked out of politeness as he sat down.

"Yes, very well, my lady. I am not used to such luxuries."

"Well, then, I have made my decision–"

His face lit up. "Oh, thank you, my lady!"

I ignored him and carried on, letting go that he had interrupted me.

"But there are some questions I would like to ask you first."

"Of course."

"I want to know how I know whether I can trust you? How do I know this is not some plan of the French and will cause a war? We both know of the rift between Briton and France."

"If this was a matter of war, I would have gone to the King. I would have wanted to stab Briton in its heart. Camelot. Not here. There is no reason for the King's sister to be the downfall, my lady. Especially when you are not on good terms anyway. It would be a waste of time."

I looked at him thoughtfully._ He had a point. The only thing it would do would be to assure my death. But what's the point in all the fuss of getting the French over? Surely it would just be a lot simpler to cause me an accident, or have me killed? So maybe it was only that Lord Brant wanted to stay here. There wasn't any other reason._

"Alright. Have you any idea how many cohorts he is planning to bring with him? I will need to know how many people I am catering for." _Well, my maids will be catering for._

"In the letter it said about ten would be staying with him in Briton. The rest would all go back to France on the boat."

"And have you any idea how long he and his cohorts are planning to stay in Briton?"

"A few years, my lady." My eyes widened, but he continued to speak. "But in that time, he is planning to build his own place. He won't stay here all that time, my lady."

I tucked my tongue in my cheek. _I had all the information and reassurance I wanted. Time to let him know my decision._

"Fine. I will allow this Lord Brant to reside in my castle on the condition that if I do not like him then he will no longer be welcome here. This is a huge risk I am taking."

"I understand, my lady. Thank you. I have not met Lord Brant, but from what I've been told, he is known for his kindness. He will be ever so grateful to you."

I let my lips curve, not knowing what to say to that, and carried on with my meal._ It was done. My castle would be host to yet another man in the coming week. A French Lord at that. I just hoped that he wasn't another King Lot who would try to control me. _


	13. The Arrival of Lord Brant

**A/N: Please review! :)**

A gown had been laid out for me, ready for the arrival of Lord Brant. It always helped to make good first impressions, not that it was necessarily me that needed to impress, but I still needed to keep up to expectations.

The smooth gossamer of the crimson under-gown slipped over my body easily as Vivian helped to pull it on and tie the laces. Next came the black velvet over-gown, which matched the intricate swirls and leaves on the gossamer adorning the front where the heavy velvet had been cut away. The sleeves clung to the top of my arms like skin before flaring out from the elbow, falling over my hands. I hated the long sleeves, they always let the drafts up and got in the way because they were so long and drooping. However, luckily, this time it seemed I would only have to put up with it for a few hours, for it was already dark outside.

Next, after sitting me down in front of the mirror, Vivian did my hair, pinning it up, piece by piece. I rarely wore like that, preferring the curtain it provided when down, but putting it up made me look more sophisticated and that's what I needed. She left a few hairs loose around my face and placed a light, gilded crown on top of my head.

"I think you're ready, my lady."

I looked in the mirror. "It's perfect, thank you, Vivian." I stood up. "Are the rooms made up?"

"Yes, my lady. Everything is ready."

"Good."

As soon as I'd spoken, there was a knock on the door. At my nod, Vivian went to unlock it and it opened to reveal one of the guards. William, I think his name was.

"My lady, Lord Brant is approaching the gates," he informed us, standing up straight.

"I will come immediately."

I looked at him as I spoke and I saw him swallow at my eye contact. He nodded curtly before backing away and hurrying down the corridor to return to his post. I tried not to smirk, sometimes it could be rather amusing to watch the unusual effects my eye contact had on people, men in particular. I knew I had many admirers and many of my father's men had only stayed here because of hoping to attract my attention. I just used it to my advantage. It ensured their loyalty.

"Come, Vivian," I ordered as soon as I had composed myself and swept out of the room, heading for the courtyard.

I got there just as the gates were opening. Standing, I waited for the horses to enter. Drake came first with another man at his side, followed by about a dozen more. The man with Drake was clearly Lord Brant. He was dressed in finery that was very different to his men and it was clear he had made an attempt to look relatively as though he lived in Briton. His men… well, they looked… French. Very French. And that was going to have to change if they lived here. The cut on their clothes was very different to the Briton men. It was more refined, more sophisticated, and no matter how much I told myself they couldn't wear it, I had to admit, it was rather fetching. Although, from the fact it made them look so out of place, it was a wonder they hadn't been ambushed.

As they rode closer, I got my first proper look at the man who I was going accommodate in my home. His earthy hair was tousled from the long ride and his warm brown eyes twinkled mischievously. However, he did have a look of the French, despite the clothes and the slightly Briton-looking eyes.

"My lady, may I present Lord Brant of Pierrefonds," Drake introduced gruffly. He was still wearing the clothes I provided for him and I vaguely wondered whether he'd washed them in between. Probably not.

I stepped forwards. "My lord," I greeted.

"My lady," he answered in a deep, strong French accent, dismounting and handing his horse to a stable boy. Then suddenly, he bowed down low before me and took my hand, planting a gentle kiss on it. "I must thank you for letting us stay here. I am in your debt."

I nodded. "I will have a maid take you and your men to your rooms, my lord. I was told there were eleven of you?"

"You would have been told correctly, my lady, but please, just Brant. It makes me feel as though I am your equal when I am most certainly not."

"If that's what you wish, then I will call you Brant." There was a reason I wasn't going to let him call me Morgan just yet. The only people who had ever called me by name were my parents, King Lot, Merlin and Arthur. None of which had given me the choice of inviting them to call me such. There was only one of them that I would have. My mother. And she had been cruelly snatched from me when I was a child. "Vivian, will you take him up to his chambers please. I will be in the Great Hall if you need me."

"Of course, my lady." She turned to Brant. "This way please, my lord."


	14. The Feast

**A/N: Thank you to Micheska and Aradia la fata for reviewing! It means a lot!  
Sorry that this is just a filler chapter. There will be a little twist soon ;) **

I knocked quietly on the door to Brant's chambers. I had given him time to settle in, but I thought I had better get to know him, and what better way to start than to show him the way to the Great Hall so he wouldn't get lost?

"Come in," he called. I opened the door. I watched as his eyes widened when I stepped in. "My lady, I did not expect it to be you."

"I thought you might not know the way down to the Great Hall. I expect you're rather hungry after your trip and I'm sure you wouldn't want to get lost and miss supper."

"You're very thoughtful, my lady."

"That's a compliment I don't get very often," I said, smiling at him and sitting down on the side of the bed as he continued to smarten up his robe in front of the mirror.

"Why ever not? You are a charming lady."

"Let's just say I am distrusted," I said hastily.

"Oh, I see, I'm sorry." He swallowed, clearly feeling the discomfort in the air. "Is there anything I should know about the Britons when they eat? Any traditional things I should know about?"

"I assume you use knives and spoons in France?" I asked.

"Yes." He looked rather relieved that I even knew about them.

"We are not that unruly here, you know." My mouth turned up into a small smile. "We still have manners, despite the rumours it seems you've heard."

"So you're not the vicious beasts we were told of as children?" The twinkle had returned to his eyes as he teased me.

"Unfortunately not. I hope you weren't planning on meeting any whilst over here?"

"Oh, I certainly wasn't hoping to, let me assure you. We were always told that if we ever met a Briton, we were to run in the other direction."

"So maybe you are the cowards that _we_ were told of as children?"

He laughed. "Maybe we are, but I'm glad at least our tales were wrong."

"To be truthful, you may have to be wary of a few warlords, but I'm sure you have those in France. Apart from those, you're safe."

"I am glad. I was hoping that I wouldn't be forced to be afraid of my host."

"Oh, the people do find me frightening," I smiled. He smiled back. "Well, I'm sure supper is ready if you want to head down to the Great Hall?" I suggested.

He nodded. "As you guessed, I haven't eaten since I was on the boat this morning."

"Then, I hope you will enjoy Briton food." I beckoned him to follow me as I walked towards the door. "Don't worry about ever getting lost. The maids do it all the time. Although, I must admit, it's a nightmare when I order them to do something and they don't reappear for an hour."

"Well, I hope I shan't get as lost as that then. Please, lead the way."

* * *

We were the last down to the Great Hall. Even Brant's knights were all seated, waiting to tuck into the feast in front of them. They had all changed, as I requested, and now looked faintly more like Britons, although no one could take away their French resemblance.

Striding into the room and ignoring the many pairs of eyes following me, I took my usual seat at the head of the table, gesturing for Brant to sit in the spare place to my right.

"You may begin," I said to the hungry eyes that almost seemed to be pleading me to let them start eating. The room was immediately full of the clanking of spoons against the bowls of quail soup, each man shoving spoonful after spoonful into their mouths. I tried to ignore them, their greed putting me off my own dinner, but it was difficult for I was still able to hear their repulsive slurping. I was thankful Brant wasn't one of those eating so horribly. Instead, he was retaining his manners and I was sure I could see him giving disgusting looks at his men. Curiously, I looked up, only to find a dozen pairs of eyes staring at me before darting away when they saw I was looking. I had to bite my lip to stifle a laugh. Was I really that intimidating? I glanced at Brant. His eyes found mine, glimmering with amusement. He had seen it too.

"I suppose you get used to it?" he asked quietly, so only I could hear.

"I don't think anyone does. It does amuse me though," I answered.

"I can imagine. It must annoy you though, no? I mean, getting those looks all the time."

"I suppose, after a while, but it's the only way Uther's men stay loyal to me. I suppose I'm just fortunate really."

"Any man should be proud to work under your banner."

I let out a disdainful smile. "Unfortunately, it still seems I must prove myself to some of them. I have gained the trust of my people, but not all my men. Some are only interested in winning my affections. It makes me wonder how many of them realise they have no chance at all."

"Mm, I know what you mean," he said, suddenly seeming distracted and turning his gaze back to his men. "I'm sorry about them. They don't normally act so… foully, I can assure you. It's disgusting."

"You have an excuse. You are all starving. I don't mind," I lied.

He looked at me disbelievingly. "Well thank you, my lady. I will personally make sure their manners will have returned by tomorrow. However, if you'd excuse me, I'd like to retire for the night."

"Yes, of course. I am sure you must be tired after such a long journey. If there is anything you need, do not hesitate to call on one of the maids."

"Thank you, I bid you goodnight." With that, he got up and walked out without so much of a glance at me. I looked at his plate, he had barely eaten anything for a man who had said he was starving only half an hour ago.


	15. Illness

**A/N: I hope you all like this. Let me know what you think! Thanks again to Aradia la Fata for reviewing the last chapter! :) **

A week later and Brant still seemed to be avoiding me. Every time I looked his way or made a move to talk to him, he would avert his eyes and stop me. It was really starting to get on my nerves. Did he know how much trouble I could get into if anyone found out about him? He was acting as if I was the rudest host there has ever been when I had been so kind as to give him a room, share my food _and_ spare some of my maids to wait on him.

The only reason I hadn't thrown him out was because his men were proving to be very helpful in my attempt to gain the crown. This was because I now had enough men so that I could spare a few and send them to 'attack' random villages and still having enough to stay behind and protect the castle. The attacks weren't pointless for they had been causing my dear half-brother grief as his people began to think they were unsafe. Of course, my castle was open to anyone who needed safety. The people were flocking and I was finally starting to gain their trust.

However, it was a normal evening when things seemed to turn upside down. We were in the Great Hall, eating an ordinary supper of venison and pigeon pie and chattering away loudly. As usual, Brant was on my right, not that he was paying much attention to me. He was only talking to the man on his other side, leaving me to talk to a ghastly old man on my left. This man's hair was greying and his breath stank of rotting teeth. I politely I tried to ignore it as he spoke of his loyalty to the true Pendragon heirs of the throne, but I was greatly relieved when he finally turned the other way and I could get on with my meal without being put off by his putrid breath.

Nonetheless, my delight didn't last long, for as I continued eating, my stomach began to churn uneasily. When it didn't go away after a few moments, I put down my knife and spoon before sitting back in my chair and taking deep breaths, letting my eyes flutter closed briefly. Fortunately, the feeling soon subsided and after casting a quick glance around the table and noticing that everyone else seemed to have nearly finished, I went back to eating my own dinner.

Yet, it seemed luck was not on my side as I only managed a couple of mouthfuls before it came back, this time a lot worse than before. I felt like I was actually going to be ill and knowing that I couldn't be so humiliated, I stood up suddenly. Everyone stared at me before I muttered my excuses and quickly strode out of the hall. I could still feel everyone's concerned gaze on me as I left, but however much I detested it, I found I didn't care, my stomach becoming more and more unsettled with each step I took.

I ended up in my bedchamber, staring out of the window and inhaling deeply. Sighing, I placed my forehead on the cool glass and closed my eyes._ What was wrong with me? Was all this because of that man's breath? Or was I actually sick?_

A sharp rap on the door had my eyes flying open.

"Vivian?" I called hopefully. She would be able to help me.

"No, unfortunately not," replied a familiar male voice.

"Brant?" My voice came out harsher than I meant it to, an edge of anger creeping into it that I didn't mean it to have.

There was hesitation before he spoke again.

"Are you alright? May I come in?"

"Why?"

"Why to which question, my lady?"

"Both." I knew my answers were getting rather snappy, but this man had ignored me for a week and was now asking to come into my chambers, acting if nothing had happened! It made me wonder who on Earth he thought he was.

"Well, you looked rather pale when you left the hall and I wondered if you were feeling alright and to the other, if you are feeling ill, I may be able to help."

"Fine, but I want to ask one more thing."

"Go on."

"Why do you think I would find it acceptable for you to ignore me for a week and then–" I broke off as my stomach churned again. I swallowed, squeezing my eyes shut and clutching at it.

"My lady?" The door opened. "My lady, what is going on? I can help, if you tell me what's going on."

"Get out! How dare you open the door without my permission? I never said you could come in!" I yelled at him as I doubled over in my attempt to stop me humiliating myself.

"My lady, you need to calm down. I can fetch Vivian if you wish, but I was merely concerned for your health."

I sighed, walking back over to the window and placing my hands on the ledge. "I have a feeling it may be to do with the fact that at supper I was forced to talk to a man who's breath smelt rather… ripe. It seems to have unsettled my stomach. I am sure it will disappear shortly. There is no need to waste Vivian's time."

"I am sorry I have been so hostile to you this week. You have taken a great risk in letting me stay here and I have acted very ungratefully. However, I doubt that a man's breath would unsettle your stomach so."

"Well, what else do you think it is?" As soon as I'd finished my sentence, I doubled over again, barely able to hold it back this time.

"I think I _will_ fetch Vivian. You should probably lie down, my lady. You look a little green."

"No, don't, I'm fine!"

He gave me a look that clearly said he didn't believe me and strode back towards the door. Once he had gone, I groaned but decided that I would take up Brant's advice, walking towards my bed to lie down.

It was only a few minutes later when Brant came back, Vivian hurrying along behind him.

"My lady?" she asked worriedly as she came over to the bed with a large bowl and placed it on my lap. "Have you a fever? Do you feel hot? Cold? Dizzy?"

I shook my head, but even that slight movement brought the feeling back and I couldn't help myself as I retched into the bowl before flopping back onto the pillows, utterly embarrassed that Brant was seeing me so feeble, but feeling a little better.

"Please go, Brant. I do not wish for anyone to see me like this," I told him weakly.

"No, not until we find out what's wrong with you. I want to make it up to you."

"By not obeying my orders?" I raised my eyebrows, trying to intimidate him. It didn't work.

"My lady, I am not going. There is no point trying to persuade me otherwise."

During our exchange, Vivian had stepped forward and placed a hand on my forehead. "You're not too warm or cold, so you don't have a fever," she murmured as I gave up with Brant. "You don't seem dizzy. The only symptom you have is sickness?"

"Yes," I answered.

She bit her lip and stepped back before turning to Brant and worriedly whispering something in his ear. His eyes widened.

"What?" I snapped and then immediately regretted it as I felt like I was going to be ill again. "What's wrong with me?"

"My lady, have you gained a little weight recently?" Brant asked.

I took a sharp intake of breath. "How dare you–!"

"No, you don't understand. Please, just answer the question."

"I have been eating more recently. A lot has happened these last few weeks."

They both exchanged a concerned look before Vivian spoke again, so quietly that I could barely hear her.

"My lady," she whispered. "I think you're pregnant."


	16. The Throne or the Child?

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I'm getting a lot of art coursework and homework at school and this week I'm redecorating my bedroom so it's likely to be another late update next time. Anyway, thanks to Micheska and Aradia la fata for reviewing!**

**Micheska: Haha, it seems I'm a mind reader lol! Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying it! :)**

"What?" _Surely I hadn't heard correctly. I was not with child. I couldn't be with child! Not now._

"My lady–" Vivian tried to soothe, but I wasn't listening.

"No, not his child! I cannot be carrying _his_ child. There has to be a way to get rid of it!" _This couldn't be happening. I couldn't get the throne if I was pregnant. I would never have the strength to use my powers with that thing inside me. It had to go._

"My lady, you must calm down, it is not good for your health, or the baby's," Brant added.

I ignored him too. "There must be some herb or something, Vivian," I asked desperately as I felt the sickness rise up again.

"They only work on the first three weeks and, to have the sickness, you must be long past that, my lady. There is nothing you can do, I am sorry," Vivian murmured, her head bowed.

"How far along do you have to be to be ill?"

"About five to six weeks."

I worked it out in my head. It was true, the last time I had slept with King Lot had been about six weeks ago.

"And you are completely sure there is no way to get rid of it? No sorcery or anything?"

"Sorcery, my lady?" came Brant's voice before Vivian could answer. I had forgotten he was in the room.

"I do not want King Lot's child. You do not understand how much I loathe him," I explained to him.

"But still, you cannot turn to sorcery to get rid of this child. Surely, it will not only get rid of the baby, but have an impact on your health as well?" He looked at Vivian for assurance, who, to my annoyance, nodded her head. "The people need you strong, my lady."

"You think I will be strong with this thing inside me?" I asked, before retching into the bowl again. "Please go, Brant," I asked as Vivian ran forward to help me.

"I will, if you promise to think about what I have said. Remember that it isn't only a thing, my lady, but a new life. A child, your child. It's as much yours as the King you spoke of. It will have a part of you both."

"Fine, I promise, now go." I had no intention of taking any of his advice. What did I want with a child?

"Of course, my lady," he said innocently and backed from the room.

As soon as his footsteps had faded away, I turned to Vivian.

"What am I to do? You know fully well that I cannot keep this child! I will not be able to claim my throne with it inside me," I asked. "There must be some kind of sorcery I can use or something."

"I'm sorry, my lady, there is nothing that won't have serious effects on you too. You know I cannot allow that."

"Yet, I cannot have King Lot come back for this child, I do not want to have to put up with him again, Vivian. I've only just got rid of him."

"Perhaps you could keep it quiet, my lady. He won't come if he doesn't know."

"I suppose…" I trailed off. She had a point.

"My lady, I do not mean to be above my place, but perhaps you should keep this child and concentrate on keeping this castle rather than taking the crown of Briton. To replace your brother now would only infuriate the people. They would not accept you as their true queen."

I gaped at her. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All the points she had given for me to keep the child had just disappeared in an instant at her words. Vivian had never stood up to me before. She knew it was not her place. Yet she had still done it. Who did she think she was?

"How dare you? Get out of my sight! If you knew it was above your place, why did you say it? I thought I could trust you to help me in my plans, yet here you are, telling me that I should go against everything I've done. For what? A child I don't want?"

"I apologise, my lady, I did not mean–" She seemed shocked at my sudden outburst.

"I thought I said for you to leave me?"

"I cannot leave you when you are so ill, my lady," she protested, but I couldn't listen.

"Just go, Vivian!"

"Yes, sorry, my lady." She curtsied and hurried out, leaving me to think alone.

Taking a deep, shaky breath and closing my eyes, I tried to calm myself down. _What was I going to do? Should I really do as Vivian suggested and give up on the throne? Would the people really not accept me as their queen? What about the child? What if it was like King Lot? I didn't want a younger version of him running around my castle._

_ But then what about what Brant said? What if it _was_ like me? He was right, it was as much my child as Lot's. It might be like neither of us. I couldn't just assume. But could I give up my birth right? Was this child worth more than what I had worked for since my mother had died? _

My hand subconsciously snaked its way down to my stomach , my hand spreading out across my belly. It felt strange thinking that there was something growing inside of me_._ A new life._ Something that would grow into a human being like me if I gave it a chance. If I made myself go through the last seven and a half months of illness, tiredness, the heavy weight and then, finally the painful birth. _

I swallowed. _Could I really go through all that? Was I strong enough? I'd always thought of myself as strong, yet the thought of all that pain and discomfort just made cringe. But could I deny this little, defenceless thing life? Just because I wasn't strong enough to go through with it? What kind of person would that make me? A failure? I'd always strived to be strong and fearless like my mother had been. She would have gone through with this. She did go through it, when she had me. Would she want me to get rid of the child and be the queen she thought I would be, or spend my efforts being a good mother? She wouldn't have wanted me to get rid of it or risk my health. She wouldn't have thought it right. She would have wanted me to become a mother. So what was stopping me? All I was doing was making up excuses. Could I do without the throne? Maybe. It seemed that perhaps I would have to, for if I took away this life inside me, then not only would I feel guilty about my mother, but I would forever be thinking about what it would have looked like. Whether it would have had grey eyes like mine, or brown eyes like Lot? Whether it would be be male or female? I would feel terrible that I hadn't let it have a chance at life._

_ The throne… well, perhaps I had got my priorities wrong. Perhaps it really did belong to Arthur. Perhaps I should have concentrated my efforts on Pendragon Castle and getting people's loyalty by working together with Arthur. Yes, I still wanted it badly and, technically, it should have fallen to me because I was the eldest, but Arthur deserved it more. What had I done? Killed my father, sent Igraine away and let Lot murder Arthur's adoptive mother. I had let that happen when I knew how horrible it was to watch someone you love be murdered. _

_So that was it then. Vivian and Brant had managed to persuade me. I would become a mother and give up my attempt to gain my birth right. I just hoped I wouldn't regret it. _


	17. Trust

**A/N: Thanks to Micheska and Aradia la Fata for reviewing! Here's a pretty long chapter (well, long from me) for you. Please review! :)**

The days went by. The sickness got worse. So bad, in fact, that to my dismay, I had to stay in bed for several weeks. Several weeks with only myself for company most of the time. Brant tried to visit me every day, and, even though at first I resisted him, pushing him away every time he walked through the door, I eventually gave in and found myself enjoying his company more and more. He was a gentle man, fun and very patient. I didn't understand how he could be so persistent, especially the first few times when I shouted at him to go away the moment he stepped through the door. However, he had never given up and eventually I allowed him to stay, in fact, I welcomed him with a warm smile every time he came in.

"How are you doing today, my lady?" he asked one day when the sickness was not so bad, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"I'm fine, I just wish I could get back to my people, they must be wondering why they haven't seen me in weeks," I sighed.

"They've been told you are very ill, my lady. You have nothing to worry about. All is well, I assure you."

"Well, that's one thing less to worry about I suppose. I trust you are making sure the people are well looked after?"

"Yes, of course. The men are training every day, everyone is getting well fed," he told me.

"No trouble?"

"No, none at all. I promise you, there is nothing for you to worry about, my lady."

"I just feel so useless, so helpless. I hate it." He went to protest, but I cut him off. "No, you don't understand. I've always strived to be strong, to be the woman my mother was before she…" I trailed off. _Why was I telling him this? It was no business of his._

"You can trust me, my lady. Please carry on with what you are saying. I will not judge you by it," he encouraged and I gave in. He was right. He was, besides Vivian, the most trustworthy person I knew and they were rare in these times.

"My mother was murdered by my father right in front of me. He didn't know I was there for I was hidden in the wardrobe. I was six."

He gasped. It seemed he had not been expecting that. "I'm so sorry! I never knew. Of course, there were rumours, but…"

I decided that I might as well tell him the whole story. "I can still see that moment in my head. My mother's cry of pain, the look of shock on her face as my father stabbed her. I remember everything going black. When I awoke, I was still in the same wardrobe, and my mother was still there also. My father had left her alone to die. She was still alive when I opened the doors and so I stayed with her. The whole time she never complained about the pain she was in, she never sobbed. In fact, it was she that was doing the comforting and I the crying. I didn't want her to leave me. Of course, the wound was too severe for her to live. Only when she was about to die did she shed a tear. A single tear as she apologised to me, as she told me she loved me–" I broke off as a lump formed in my throat and I fought fiercely to keep the tears away. _I would not cry in front of him._ "She is the only one who has ever truly loved me. My father banished me to a nunnery, supposedly because I refused to accept Igraine as my mother. I knew it was an excuse. He never wanted me. He wanted a son. When I came back, I offered him forgiveness and love. I thought we could reconcile, but I was wrong. All I got in return was a blow to the face and him telling me that he no longer had a daughter. I was nothing to him. Nothing."

"I'm so sorry. It's no wonder you hated your father so much to kill him."

I shot him an alarmed look. _How did he know that?_

"Vivian told me," he said as though he could read my mind.

I frowned. _It seemed there was up with Vivian these days, she seemed to think she was higher than her place._ "She should not have–"

"Don't blame her. She didn't mean to tell me. She was distraught when she realised what she'd said, she thought you were going to kill her." He had a small twinkle in his eyes and I could tell he was trying to cheer me up.

"Of course I'm not going to kill her, although I suppose she has looked a bit jumpy these past few days," I mused before I turned serious again. "I'd rather she hadn't told you though."

"I don't think of you any differently, my lady. I understand completely. My father doesn't particularly love my siblings and I, maybe apart from my elder brother. I mean, I haven't gone fleeing away from here in terror, have I?" He gave me a mischievous smile, clearly sensing my unease.

"I suppose not…" I sighed and smiled, shaking my head. Then he said something that had the smile dropping off my face.

"So you killed Lady Igraine as well?"

Even the mention of her name made anger boil inside me. I tried to force it down. "That's why he killed my mother," I told him, a little too gruffly for what I wanted. "To have Lady Igraine, who, it seems, was pregnant with his son."

"It must have been awful. I'm truly sorry, but I cannot imagine how hard it must have been. I have never lost anyone. None of my siblings, my parents, no one."

"You do have to live through it to know how it feels. I still miss my mother. She used to do so much for me. She'd come every morning and do my hair for me, she'd spend hours teaching me to sew and embroider, she'd take me riding on visits to the moors… and, all this time, she'd tell me that I was going to be the best Queen Briton had ever seen. That was the last thing I promised her; that I would become the fairest Queen of Briton there ever has been and ever will be. Then it was all taken from me. I only spent six years with my mother and have very little memories of that time, but one thing I do know is that those six years were the best of my life."

"You want the throne of Briton?" he asked in shock.

"Well yes, but that was before I got pregnant. I am not strong enough to take and hold the castle in this state. The father of this child, he is someone I brought down to form an alliance with. I thought he would be able to help me to gain the throne. It turned out he was an arrogant bastard. The first thing he did was laugh at me and then he threatened to slit me from my gut to my throat so he could take the castle."

"And you managed to get out of that alive? I'm assuming this is one of the war lords you were talking about when we had the conversation about the Britons being vicious beasts?"

"If I hadn't got out of it alive, do you really think I would be lying here in front of you and talking?" I asked, slightly amused.

"That is a good point," he chuckled.

My gaze strayed to the window as I tried to contain my laughter and, to my shock, I saw it was already dark. The afternoon had gone by so quickly with Brant there for company.

"Vivian will be up soon with my supper," I stated. "I don't think you should be here then. Plus, supper in the Great Hall will be served soon. It's dark."

"I can see that quite well, my lady. I am not quite blind yet."

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Brant, you need to go. Please?"

"Of course, if that is what you wish." He stood up and strode to the door. "I will be back tomorrow, my lady."

"I look forward to it," I replied as he smiled and moved to open the door. "But, Brant." He turned, looking at me expectantly. "Please, just call me Morgan."

"Of course, Morgan. Sleep well." He gave me another of his cheeky smiles and left. I sighed contently and closed my eyes, waiting for Vivian. _Perhaps letting him stay here had been a good idea after all._


	18. A Surprise Visit

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait, I've had really bad writer's block for this story, I just didn't know how to start it so this chapter is a bit weak, however, it is my longest yet! Please let me know how I can improve it, does it sound a little rushed? Also, thanks to Aradia la fata for reviewing the last chapter!**

A few weeks later I was back on my feet and was sitting in the throne room, attempting to sort out a small dispute between two members of my court when I was interrupted by the arrival of a messenger, a messenger from the court of Camelot. That not only confused me, but immediately put me on alert. It wasn't often I got a messenger from my dear brother and now, of all times, was not a good moment. My bump had become quite obvious and I had to wear very loose dresses to disguise it. I did not want the eagle eyes of anyone to tell him of my predicament, and then, of course, there was Lord Brant; Arthur had no idea that I had a French Lord currently residing in my castle and I was sure he wouldn't be too pleased to find out I had kept it from him.

However, the young boy who walked in was certainly not what I was expecting, and in a way, it was good as it was likely that he wouldn't even notice because he was so naïve.

"My lady," he started, kneeling before me. "The King of Briton wishes to visit. He says to tell you that he will be here tomorrow for supper and will be needing two rooms for the night."

"And the reason for this visit is?" I asked, eyebrows raised. _It seemed I wasn't getting a choice in the matter and there was no doubt that the second room was for Merlin, which only made it a whole lot worse. He didn't trust me._

"He never said, my lady. That's all I was told to tell you."

"Alright, thank you." I sat back in my throne as the boy stood up and bowed before backing out of the room. I bit my lip. _What was I going to do now? I had about a dozen Frenchmen in my castle that still didn't look the least bit Briton and – _

"Morgan? Are you alright? What was that about?"

I looked up and saw Brant standing in front of me, a concerned expression on his face.

"We have a problem," I said. "My brother is coming to visit with the sorcerer Merlin, tomorrow."

"You had no choice?"

"It seems not. However, I can't have Frenchmen wondering around my castle, Merlin doesn't trust me as it is. You must tell them to stay hidden at all times until they are gone."

"And me?" he asked.

"I think you'll be alright, as long as you put on your Briton accent and don't say a lot. You have your mother's blood in you." I realised that I needed him there. I couldn't deal with Arthur and Merlin on my own, we would just have to be incredibly careful.

"Good, well I came to tell you that supper was ready if you want some," he said, offering a hand to help me get up.

"I'm not incapable of getting up by myself yet, Brant," I told him, making him blush. "I'll be along in a moment."

"Of course, Morgan," he murmured and left the room.

* * *

The next day passed quickly and soon I was standing in the courtyard, waiting for Arthur and Merlin to arrive and dressed in a deep black velvet gown with sleeves that flared open at the end. The neckline was decorated with glittering diamonds, as was the line around my hips where the skirt of the dress started. Round my neck lay a heavy silver chain, decorated, again, with diamonds shaped like tear drops.

"I have to say, you look effortless, Morgan," a deep voice whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes and sighed before turning round.

"Brant, I'd really rather you didn't sneak up on me like that," I told him, trying to smile a little.

He didn't have time to respond as, just as I finished my sentence, the gates were pulled open, creaking and groaning, and two men on horseback rode through the gate, stopping just in front of me.

"Merlin, my lord," I greeted, curtseying politely.

"Morgan, what have I told you about the fact you don't need to curtsey to me, we're siblings." He put his hand under my chin and lifted it. "And, my name is Arthur."

I decided at that moment that, even though I'd convinced myself not to order anyone to kill him, it still didn't mean that I had to like him. He was just so… so irritating.

"Morgan." Merlin merely bowed his head at me as he dismounted. "Would you care to introduce us?" He was looking at Brant.

"This is Lord Brant, from Lothian. King Lot sent him down to keep an eye on me." I made it all up on the spot, praying that Merlin would believe me.

"Merlin," he said to Brant in a way of introduction.

Brant nodded and shook his hand. I breathed a sigh of relief as Arthur smiled and introduced himself too.

"Well, would you like to come in, we have a feast prepared," I told them.

"Thank you, Morgan. I apologise for the late notice," Arthur said, quite genuinely.

I smiled at him again before catching the attention of one of the guards. "William, will you take their horses to the stable," I ordered before also telling Vivian to take the men's belongings to their rooms.

* * *

Later that evening, we were all sat down for the feast. It was going well. Arthur was enjoying the entertainment and it didn't seem anyone had noticed the Frenchmen around the castle. The only thing that was bothering me was Merlin. He hadn't said a word all evening, he just stared, either at me or Brant or his food. At one bit I saw him clasp both hands together, elbows resting on the table as he looked at me, his eyes piercing as though they were trying to see into my mind.

After that I watched him cautiously, continually keeping an eye on him. However, eventually, I think he noticed for he kept glancing at me and even when all the others were leaving and retiring to bed, he waited. That was until Arthur rose and left, but whether that was because I had to leave at the same time to show Arthur to his room I didn't know. There was _something_ up though.

"I've given you your old quarters, Merlin. I thought it might make you feel a bit more… at home," I smirked, watching him frown. _It will still fun to wind him up. _"You know your way there."

"I'd rather wait, Morgan," he said, his eyes never leaving my face.

"I'm not going to kill him." He just looked at me, so I turned and strode away, beckoning Arthur to follow.

"I hope this will be comfortable for you," I said as I opened the door into the room Arthur would be staying in. "Call if you need anything."

"Thank you, Morgan. The feast was marvellous."

"You're welcome, goodnight." I smiled and closed the door, only to turn round and see Merlin standing there, his arms folded, a dangerous expression on his face.

However, before I could say anything, he grabbed my arm and pulled me down the corridor, yanking me in through the nearest doorway.

"What's going on, Morgan? Where's King Lot? You really think I believe that Lord Brant is one of his? He's French!" Merlin demanded as soon as the door was shut and we were alone.

I rolled my eyes. "There is nothing going on," I answered coolly. "Your sorcery must be going to your head."

"Morgan, don't try and play me, even if no one else has spotted the French-looking men around your castle, I have. What are you up to?"

"I'm not up to anything!"

"Morgan," he warned, backing me into a corner. "Explain to me why there are Frenchmen in your castle and why King Lot is gone, or I shall be forced to tell Arthur who killed his parents."

"I am not a child anymore, Merlin, you will not threaten me like you used to when I'd done something naughty."

"No, but this is more important. You know I protect Kings of Briton with everything I've got, just like I did with your father."

Anger flared inside me. "He is not my father, Merlin, and I am _not_ doing anything that will affect your King. King Lot's castle was attacked and so he left me, Lord Brant is someone who wanted to move to Briton from France. His mother lived here. I am not allying with the French."

"I know you up are up to something, Morgan."

"I am not!" I cried truthfully and turned away from him. That was a mistake.

"Wait, you are with child? Is that what it is?" he asked, incredulously, looking at my stomach.

"It was not my decision."

"Whose is it?"

"Whose do you think?" I snapped.

"Why haven't you told anyone? Won't Lot want to know he has an heir, or does he already know?"

"He doesn't, and isn't going to know. I don't want him here again. I would appreciate it if you stopped with the questions."

"What have you done to yourself, Morgan?" he asked, a little sadly.

"I don't want your pity, Merlin. I was attempting to gain my birth right, clearly that is not going to happen now. Now, let me go. I assume you remember the way to your old chambers?"

"Yes."

"Well then, goodnight, Merlin," I said brusquely and turned to walk out the room, only to get my wrist grabbed and be pulled back into the room.

Immediately memories flashed through my mind, those of my mother's death, those of the nuns' strict regimes, those of King Lot's punishments. I couldn't handle this. It was enough seeing them in my dreams without him dragging them back up to.

"Let go of me!" I yelled eventually and yanked my wrist away, breathing heavily, but Merlin was staring at me in shock.

"I never realised you saw, that you were with her, Morgan, I've never realised what you've been through… I'm… I'm so sorry."

I turned round and stared at him in astonishment. _Did I hear him correctly? _

"I know how badly you wanted it, but you know that male heirs become before females, no matter who is the oldest. You make a good Lady, I just hope you can be content with it and your child. You could be a good mother if you set your mind to it."

"You've never understood me," I sighed, shaking my head. "I promised my mother. It was the last thing I ever promised her, and now it's broken, because of you." I straightened up. "There you have got what you came for, I am going to bed, I am tired."

"Well, goodnight. Sleep well," he murmured softly, clearly deep in thought. And so, gathering as much dignity as I could muster, I strode out of the room.


	19. Four Little Words

**A/N: I can only beg for forgiveness for leaving this so long, but my laptop broke and I've only just got it back. This chapter isn't perfect, but please review!  
Thanks to Aradia la Fata for reviewing the last chapter! And to TheUchihaBrothers'Lover for following!**

The next morning, I woke to Vivian throwing the drapes open. I sat up, blinking as the bright light shone down through the windows.

"Good morning, my lady," she greeted, bowing her head. "The men are up and the food is about to be served if you would like me to help you dress?"

"Yes please, Vivian." I started to get up, although even that was starting to become a struggle with my condition and I was only just half way through. I didn't dare imagine what I would be like near the end.

"Is there anything in particular you wanted to wear, my lady?" Vivian's voice broke me from my thoughts.

"No, anything will do," I assured her as I went over to the mirror. My hair was a mess from the way I'd tossed and turned during the night, Merlin's words continuously echoing in my head. _Had he been behind my mother's execution, or just backed his King? How could he have let it happen?_ I sighed as I sat down and put my head in my hands.

Once more Vivian brought me back. "My lady, would you like me to do your hair or help you dress?"

I stood up. "It had better be the dress," I replied, smiling weakly at her.

* * *

Soon I was ready to meet Arthur and Merlin in the Great Hall to eat. As usual, Vivian had picked out a stunning dress, blue velvet with golden thread interwoven with the blue, curling into fleur de lis that covered the entire underskirt. Obviously, the skirt flared out by my ribs to mask my bump which I daresay made me look slimmer than I would have otherwise.

Quickly stopping to compose myself before I strode in, I tried to dismiss the conversation with Merlin the night before from my head, but it seemed to insist on lurking there, just so I could keep replaying it in my head. It was certainly one of my weak moments and I didn't like it. Why had I told him all that? Why had I trusted him?

Nevertheless, the past was the past, I couldn't change it, and so, taking another deep breath, I strode in.

King Arthur and Merlin were both sitting, it seemed, waiting for me. Brant was there also and I could imagine it was awkward before I had walked in. All three were in silence. That was until Brant stood up and smiled at me, his brown eyes twinkling.

"Morgan," he greeted, slightly inclining his head.

Merlin nodded at me, not bothering to get up. Arthur however, said nothing. In fact, he didn't even look at me. Warning bells sounded in my head. Something was wrong. The Arthur I knew would have smiled and greeted me as his equal.

I sat down, and picking up my spoon, I went to tuck in to my quail soup when he spoke.

"You killed my parents."

I glared at Merlin, not knowing what to say. He had been the only one who knew, the only one who could have told him. And why? What had I done to him last night? Shown his weak side? It would have been better if we could acted as though it hadn't happened.

"I overheard you. Last night. You killed your own father, my father, the King. You are not worthy to hold the name Pendragon! I thought I could trust you. I thought that King Lot was controlling you, but it seems I was wrong." He stood up. "All you want is the throne, at whatever cost. Even to betray the country by allying with the French to launch an attack on me!"

"That's not true! If you'd bothered to listen to the rest of the conversation, you would have heard that there was a reason for it. He has caused no trouble and I am certainly not allying with the French!"

"How can I trust you after this? How do I know you're not lying like you have been? How do I know that you're not keeping anything else from me?"

"Because I know her," Merlin interrupted smoothly. "No, you can't trust her on much, but on this, you can. She watched her mother die at her father's hands for you and your mother and then he sent her to a nunnery because he didn't want her. I think that is a good enough excuse to hate a father that much."

Arthur was left with his jaw hanging. He was speechless. I would have chuckled, except that there was a slight anger in me that Merlin had told him so much. He had made me seem weak.

"She still didn't have to kill them. If she knew what it was like, then why did she kill mine?" Arthur had got his voice back.

"I didn't know about you. I wanted the throne. It was mine. I promised my mother while she was dying in my arms that I would be as good a queen as she was. Then you came along." I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth, but I just couldn't stop it. My mother was my only weakness.

This time, he swallowed. "I didn't realise, please accept my apology," he murmured, sitting back down, seemingly embarrassed.

"I didn't wish to kill your adoptive mother either. King Lot deemed it necessary, no matter how much I attempted to persuade him there was another way. He liked digging out people's weaknesses."

"I understood that," Merlin put in, smirking slightly into his soup. Arthur didn't respond.

The rest of the meal passed in silence, Brant never breathed a word and I was concerned. I knew there must be something on his mind for him to be so quiet and made up my mind to corner him after my brother had left.

I clicked my fingers to signal the servants to clear the table, my eyes still on Brant's thoughtful expression. He was biting his lip, looking down into his bowl and when the servant came to take it away, he jumped backwards in his seat and hastily apologised before resuming his thoughtful expression, seemingly oblivious that I was watching him.

"We'd better get going, Morgan," Merlin told me as we got up a few minutes later.

"You don't have to see us off," Arthur added as I made a move towards them. "We're quite capable of making our own way." He looked towards Brant and I suddenly realised what he was up to. To my surprise, I found my face heating up in embarrassment. I glared at him as he smothered a chuckle. It seemed one person was back to his usual self.

I waited for the doors to close before turning to Brant.

"I think I should leave," he blurted out suddenly.

I blinked. "What? Why on Earth would you think that?"

"I'm obviously causing tension and problems between you and your brother. I don't want to be a hindrance, Morgan."

"You are not leaving, Brant. You are in no way a hindrance to me!"

"I nearly got you stripped of your name! You can't tell me I'm not causing problems." He stood up now. Fire was blazing in his normally warm eyes. I didn't know what to say. I'd never seen him angry before. "I have to go Morgan. You don't want me here, this is your chance to get rid of me."

_How was I to tell him that I did want him here? That I didn't want him to go? _"You have nowhere to go, Brant, don't be ridiculous. You are welcome to stay as long as you like," I told him.

"What's the point in me staying though? There's nothing for me here, why do you insist on not letting me leave?"

The next four words slipped from my tongue before I could think of pulling them back. "Because I love you."


	20. Brant's Reaction

**A/N: Sorry again for the delay, but revision got in the way :( Anyway, this chapter contains a bit of fluff and I've never kissed anyone or been kissed, so the kisses and stuff are all from my imagination and therefore I apologise for it not being the best... Also, it's probably obvious, but I have never given birth, so I apologise if I have made any mistakes (I haven't written the entire birth, just the beginning). Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think! :)  
Also, thanks to Aradia la fata for reviewing the last chapter! **

Brant's face fell, and I stumbled back, shocked that I had let myself say those words. _What was I thinking?_

"I apologise. I didn't mean to…" I started.

He quickly stepped back towards me and placed a finger on my lips to stop me from saying anymore. "No," he said. "No, you don't need to apologise. It's just I didn't realise that you… that you loved me." He smiled. "It's just that, I think I… I love you too, Morgan. I just never wanted to say it, in case I upset you because you didn't feel the same. You see, I've loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you."

I blinked. _He loved me? He actually loved me? _I didn't know what to say. "I…It takes me a while to fall… in fact, I don't think I've ever been in love," I admitted quietly. "I don't know how these things work."

"Neither do I. But we'll work it out together, yes?"

"Yes," I replied. "We will."

And with that, he leant forward, letting our lips touch.

"I love you, Morgan," he said and then kissed me, his tongue invading my mouth as I gave him access. Everything around us faded away, the only thing left was entwining our souls, hearts and bodies. And it felt like love.

Someone clearing their throat a few seconds later had us jumping apart. I turned round to see who it was, furious with them for not knocking. It was Vivian.

"My lady, I sincerely apologise for interrupting–"

"Why didn't you knock? Isn't that the usual thing to do when the door is shut?" I demanded.

"I'm sorry, my lady, but I did knock, but you can't have heard me."

"Was there anything you came to say, or are did you just come to stare?"

"No, my lady. I came to say that Merlin and the King have left. I thought you wanted to see them off, so I came to find you."

I sighed. "That's alright, Vivian. We said farewell in here, they were adamant that I didn't need to see them off."

"Well, then I apologise, my lady."

"It's fine, Vivian," I repeated. "Please leave us."

"Yes, of course, my lady, my lord." She bowed her head to us and backed out.

"I apologise for Vivian interrupting us. Would you like to talk in my bedchambers instead, we are less likely to be interrupted there?"

"I'll follow you."

* * *

The weeks went by without much interesting happening. The fact that Brant and I had fallen for each other had gotten round the castle faster than I thought was even possible, but I could tell many people weren't convinced and, to be honest, I found myself glad. I didn't want to be thought as weak because I was in love. I was still the same Morgan underneath and once the baby was born, I could get back to my original plans if I so wished.

By now, I was getting rather large and I could feel my child moving around inside of me. It wouldn't be long until I was due to give birth and Brant stayed by my side continuously, worrying and fretting so much that I eventually got fed up with it.

"Brant, please. Just give me some space, I appreciate your concern, but you can't do everything for me. I am not weak."

"I apologise, Morgan. I just don't want you to overexert yourself. If the child is harmed…"

I looked at him, bemused. "Why do you care so much for a child that isn't yours?" I asked.

"Because it's a part of you, Morgan. It's your child too and I will love him or her, regardless of who the father is."

My lips curved into a smile. "Oh Brant, you honestly are the sweetest, most caring man I have ever met."

"Perhaps because all the men you've met are ferocious beasts?"

That made me laugh. I hadn't laughed in so long and it just felt so good, like a weight lifted off my chest. "True, very true."

"I can't say you're the sweetest woman I've ever met, for I fear that that would offend you and, it's not strictly true. However, I can say that you are the strongest, most selfless woman I've ever met."

"So many people would argue the opposite to that, yet it seems you know what compliments I'd rather have."

He moved closer so that his face was only an inch from mine. "Of course I do. You've let me under that hard shell of yours, and now I know you better than anyone."

"Oh Brant, what am I going to do with you?" I murmured and leant in further for a kiss, brushing his lips with my own.

"I don't know, what are you going to do with me?"

I smiled against his lips before pressing closer to him, slipping my tongue in between his teeth as I put my arms around his neck.

We broke apart a few minutes later, breathless and laughing.

"We are going to have to stop this when the baby comes along. We probably won't even have time. I expect this little one will do a very good job of keeping me busy, day and night."

"Well, we'll have to make up for that time now then," he suggested simply and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"I'm being serious, Brant, I don't think we'll much time to be together, at least, not for the first few months."

"But they will be joyous times, Morgan, for you will have a beautiful child in your arms. They say the first few weeks are the most precious to a mother."

I can't have looked convinced for he sighed and brought me close. "You will love this child, I know you will and you will do everything in your power to protect it. In fact, you probably love it already and don't even realise."

"You have so much more faith in me than I do myself. I don't know whether I can be a mother," I admitted. "I mean, I don't remember much that my mother did for me, not really."

"Well, take the memories you do have, for they are clearly your most precious for a reason. Use those to help guide you. And I'll be here too. You aren't going to go through this alone, Morgan. I love you, remember that. Remember that, whatever you do, I want to spend the rest of my days with you."

I smiled sadly. "I love you too, Brant, and don't you forget it either, just because I don't say it as often as I should."

"You say it enough for me."

He went to kiss me again, and it was then I felt it, the crippling pain in my abdomen. I doubled over stepping back.

"Morgan?"

"Brant," I gasped, looking up at him. "Brant, I think the baby's coming."


	21. A Daughter

**A/N: This chapter was extremely hard to write, I got so frustrated with it. I apologise in advance because it is not my best chapter, but I thought I'd better post it as I owe you guys an update.**  
**Anyway, thanks to Aradia la fata for reviewing again! And Merasoua for following and favouriting :)**

Hours later, I was laid back against the pillows, utterly exhausted, while Brant stood next to me, holding a little girl in his arms and fussing over me.

"Morgan, you need to bond with her. She's your daughter," he was saying to me, but I couldn't listen. All I knew was that I didn't want that child.

"She's Lot's daughter. I can't, I–" He didn't let me finish.

"Morgan, listen to me. You will love her, I promise you. You just have to give her a chance," Brant was pleading with me now, realising that I was becoming incredibly against even holding the child. I still refused. Didn't he understand that I wanted nothing to do with it? I hadn't wanted it in the first place! It was a mistake.

"Brant, you don't understand. It's as though she isn't mine, she doesn't belong to me, only to him. She looks so fragile and I just…" I trailed off again.

"At least give her a name," he sighed, giving up.

"I…" With all my thoughts directed at what to do with the child, I was shocked that I hadn't even thought of names. Only one came into my mind. "Ava, I want her to be named Ava."

"Ava Pendragon it is then," Brant confirmed.

After a moments silence, I spoke again, knowing that I should tell him really why I couldn't keep the child. "I knew I couldn't be a good mother," I said quietly. "I'm too afraid of hurting her. Love is weakness, that is was what I was told. I'm afraid of loving her too much, like I love you too much." _There, I'd admitted it._

"Oh, Morgan," Brant sat down on the side of the bed. "Love is not weakness, it's strength. And true love is the strongest of all. I will always be here for you, and Ava."

"I know, but that's what worries me. If Lot ever finds out, he'll know it's his. He won't have any hesitation in killing you and probably even me, to get her. She'll be a powerful sorceress and he'll want that power."

"We'll protect her, I promise."

At that moment, a loud cry came from the bundle of blankets. Ava had woken up. I flinched. Brant immediately got up and wandered around the room, trying to soothe her by rocking her and whispering softly, but nothing worked.

I didn't do anything but watch for a while before I realised what she wanted. She wanted her mother. _I _was her mother. She wanted me.

"Brant, pass her here."

He looked up, surprise etched on his face. "Are you sure, Morgan? If you're not ready..."

"Just give her here, Brant, before I change my mind."

Hastily, he passed little Ava over and into my arms. She fit snugly and so, hesitantly, I looked down at the wailing child, not knowing quite what to do with her.

"Shh, Ava, it's alright, I've got you now." I felt so awkward, but somewhere inside me, I knew I could do this. I could be a good mother. I needed to be for I was all Ava had.

That's all it took, I had been right. Ava had wanted her mother. I relaxed slightly as her cries fell quieter and she looked up at me, her blue eyes colliding with my own. That was the moment I realised that I wasn't going to let her go, that she was _my_ child.

"How did you do that?" Brant's voice broke me from my thoughts.

"She just wanted her mother," I replied simply, smiling at him.

Brant smiled back and rolled his eyes. "I told you that you'd make an excellent mother. You already know what she needs when, it's as though you read her mind."

"Brant, please stop this, I may be a sorceress, but I do not read minds," I told him, softly brushing a dark lock from my daughter's forehead.

"Alright, alright, do you want me to take her back, or are you alright with her?"

"I think I'm fine," I replied, the corners of my mouth creeping upwards as I looked down at the little girl who was now gazing up at me innocently. I chuckled.

"I told you that you just needed to give her a second chance, Morgan. She is your child. You will be the one to raise her, you will be the one she looks up to as she grows into a strong, young woman. Not Lot, you."

"I know, Brant, I know. I'm sorry, I… it's daunting. I want to be a good mother, and it's so easy to go wrong. I have made so many enemies and I don't want any of it to cause her any harm as she grows up. She deserves better."

"No," Brant said immediately. "No she doesn't. She needs her mother. I know this is unnerving for you, but, as I've told you before, I'm right here, by your side whenever you need me."

I smiled at him sadly as he bent down to give me a peck on the lips.

"I'll leave you to rest now. Spend time with Ava, she needs you." And with that, he left. The door swinging shut behind him.

* * *

Once he was gone, I looked down at the little girl in my arms, unsure of how to interact with her. I had never held a baby before.

"Well I suppose I should start with a hello," I told her. "You're going to have to bear with me though, I don't know how to be a mother."

Ava just continued to stare up at me, a blank expression on her face as she watched me.

"And I feel I should apologise in advance for the mistakes I'll make with you," I continued. "But, I will promise you something, and that is that I will always try my best for you."

I let the tip of my finger brush gently down one of her little cheeks and suddenly she wriggled and reached up a tiny fist. I smiled and let her catch onto my little finger, her grip surprisingly strong.

I felt my heart warm to the little girl in my arms, my little girl, and I was happy just watching her until her eyes drooped shut and the grip on my finger relaxed slightly.

That was when I made my first mistake. I tried to pull my finger free, thinking she'd stay fast asleep. I was wrong. Her eyes flew open immediately and her small face scrunched up before she let out a loud wail.

"No, no, no!" I cried frantically. "Shh, I didn't mean to wake you. I'm sorry, shh!"

There came a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I called, still desperately trying to calm my crying child.

"Vivian, my lady."

I breathed a sigh of relief and gave her permission to enter. I was somewhat glad it was her, for I didn't wish for anyone else to see me in this state.

"What did you want?" I asked, trying to make my voice heard over the continuing wails.

"I heard the child crying, I thought I might be of assistance."

"I don't need any help, Vivian," I replied stiffly, my walls of defence flying up immediately. I wanted to do this on my own, I wanted to learn from my own mistakes.

"Of course, I sincerely apologise, my lady," she said, bowing her head. "I am here if you need me to take her for a bit, you do need to rest."

She went to turn away and suddenly I had second thoughts. Perhaps I needed a little guidance, so that my mistakes were fewer. Plus, it wouldn't do any harm, would it?

"Vivian?"

"Yes, my lady?"

"Do you have any ideas as to what will calm her down?"

"Try rocking her, my lady," she told me, smiling gently. "She's probably just tired, it may help her sleep again." She went to shut the window now that dusk was drawing in.

Looking back down at my daughter, I did as she said, gently rocking Ava in my arms. It didn't take long for her cries to quieten down and soon she was fast asleep again.

I let out a shaky breath, silence had never sounded so good before. "Thank you, Vivian."

"You're welcome, my lady. However, you must rest. Let me take her for a bit while you sleep."

Reluctantly, I handed her over. I knew she was right. I still had a castle to run, and I wouldn't be doing that if I had no sleep. At the moment, the castle was under Brant's command, however, that couldn't last long, for if someone found out, they would see it as a weakness, and as I was already seen as weak to many of the war lords, I could not take that chance. I would have to handle looking after Ava and running a castle at the same time. Perhaps it had been for the best that I had given up my birth right. For now.


	22. A Sad Farewell

**A/N: Thanks to Aradia la fata for reviewing, as usual :)  
I just want to apologise for this chapter, and I understand if you hate me for it. This isn't the end though, we still have a few more chapters left. Lot returns!**

A few days passed and I only grew closer to Ava. In fact, I didn't like to let her out of my sight. I knew it was going to be hard when I had to start attending meetings and deal with the people's problems again as I wouldn't be able to manage the child and being a leader. But for the moment, I just enjoyed and treasured the time I had with her.

I could tell that Brant was pleased with my progress with her, and in fact, he was nearly as close to Ava as I was, spending his free time in my chambers and cooing over my little girl. I knew he was going to be an excellent substitute of a father for her as she grew up, certainly better than Lot could ever have been. Just the way he acted around her, the look in his eyes as he watched her. I could tell he absolutely adored her. Then, a few weeks later, something happened to change everything.

I was sitting in my throne in the Great Hall, having fully recovered from the birth of Ava and attempting to sort out a petty argument between two of my people, when Brant came running in. He didn't say anything, but his eyes were overcast with worry. My stomach immediately squirmed in unease. Was something wrong with Ava? I went to get up.

"I apologise, but you'll have to excuse me a moment. I will be back shortly," I told the couple in front of me and walked away without another glance at them. My only concern was my daughter. "Brant, what's happened? Is Ava alright?"

"Yes, Ava's fine," he said, the worry still clouding him. "Well, for now."

"What do you mean, for now? What's happened? Why do you look so worried?"

"A messenger has been spotted from the tower. He's wearing Lot's colours."

My insides froze, my eyes narrowed. "What?"

"It seems that King Lot may have found out about Ava."

"I know what that means. I'm not stupid" I snapped and paced a few steps away. "This cannot be happening. Not now. I can't deal with this now."

"Morgan–"

"Don't, Brant. I need to think. We need to keep her safe from him. He cannot take her, I won't allow it!" I continued to pace, talking to myself, while Brant stood there silently, his arms folded and looking a little hurt. However, I had more pressing matters at mind than Brant's feelings. If I couldn't keep Ava safe from Lot then I would lose everything I had come to love.

That was when I realised it. The sudden understanding that if Lot came down and found out about Brant, he would surely kill him as well as taking Ava! Plus, a French Lord was no match for a King… especially when that King was one of the fiercest warriors in the land. I couldn't risk that. I couldn't lose him! That left me with no other option.

"Brant," I started, he looked towards me. "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything for you." He came over and pulled me into his embrace, yet I didn't let that deter me, keeping my face serious.

"When Lot comes, I can't afford for you or Ava to be here. Once he finds out we're… lovers, he'll kill you, and take Ava." He opened his mouth to interrupt, but I stopped him. "No, listen first. The only way to stop this is if you take Ava and get out of here. That way you'll both be safe."

He blinked. "What?" he exclaimed. "No, you can't be serious, Morgan! I won't allow that. I am not leaving you to deal with him alone."

"It's the only way to keep you and Ava safe. You must go." I was trying so hard to keep the lump in my throat from making tears form in my eyes, but it was as though something broke inside of me at the expression on his face.

"Oh, Morgan," he sighed, his face pained. "You don't have to do this, we can find some other way. I don't want to leave you!"

"And I don't want you to go, or Ava, but Lot will be constantly looking for her here, and I can't leave the castle." I took his hands in mine and caught his gaze. "Brant, I love you, and I don't want you to get hurt. You or Ava. You must understand that."

"Then can't we find some other way? Live underground in hiding until they've gone?"

"He'll have someone watching even when he has gone and I can't let my daughter grow up in hiding, I want her to be free, to have the best chance in life."

I saw his shoulders slump slightly in defeat. It seemed he could understand that.

"I promise I'll keep her safe. I'll teach her everything I know," he said finally.

"I don't want her to know who her mother is. Say she died in childbirth, or soon after she was born, I don't mind what, but it would be dangerous for her to know her mother is Morgan Pendragon, and not only because of Lot."

"Morgan… are you sure? I thought you would want contact with her…"

My heart constricted. I did. I wanted to be selfish and keep her all to myself and never let her go, but I knew that wasn't the right thing to do and so I forced myself to say the next words.

"I do, but I also want what is best for her and not knowing about me is best for her. Having her has made me realise that I have made a lot of mistakes in my past, namely with Lot. There are a lot of things I regret and if I hadn't done them, I probably would have been a lot closer to capturing the hearts of the people of Briton. I would have been closer to valuing my promise." I looked away and this time it was him who reassured me.

"Hey, give it a bit of time," he said. "We can sleep on this and think on it tomorrow."

I shook my head. "He'll be down here as soon as he can and we have no idea how long this message took to reach us. He could only be a day away. I need you to be far away from here by then you need to leave tonight."

His normally sincere gaze turned into one of horror. "No! Not so soon. If you still want this when you've slept on it, we'll go in the morning, but not tonight, Morgan. Not tonight."

"What am I supposed to do if Lot comes while you're still here? If he kills you and takes Ava? Then what will I be left with? Nothing. You know I cannot allow that, Brant, please."

"Then you will write me letters each week so I know how you are. I love you, Morgan, I don't want to leave you all alone."

"I'll be fine. I managed on my own before you came. I still have Vivian."

He said nothing and instead reached forward to peck me on the lips. "I'm not happy about this, Morgan," he stated before turning and leaving, I presumed to pack.

* * *

That evening, I was standing out in the courtyard, concealed in the shadows, holding Ava and waiting for Brant. No one else could know about them leaving, they would know eventually, but I couldn't risk Lot finding out and going after them. They were too dear to me. They were my weaknesses.

"Ava, I just want you to know that I'm only doing what's best for you," I whispered to my daughter, knowing that I didn't have much time left with her. "I love you, but it's no longer safe for you and Brant here. You have to leave. You'll never know me, and I'm sorry, sorry for everything." I had to stop there for a lump rose in my throat and stopped me from choking anything else out. Instead, I pressed my lips to Ava's forehead.

"Morgan?"

I jumped, startled by the sound of Brant's voice. It only took a moment for me to regain my composure.

"Are you ready? I've got Ava's bag here. There's a horse waiting just outside the gates," I told him, trying not to think of the fact I would soon have to say goodbye.

"Yes, thank you."

I led the way, sneaking out through a side door, just to the left of the main gates. The horse was where I left him, hidden behind a small clump of trees, head bent down and nibbling on the grass.

"Morgan, are you sure this is what you want?" Brant asked me as he untied the horse and proceeded to mount him. I could see in his eyes that this was him pleading me to change my mind. I forced my emotion down, something I was very used to doing.

"Yes, Brant, this is what I want."

He said nothing. I looked down at the child in my arms for the last time, biting the inside of my cheeks to try and stop the tears.

"Goodbye, Ava, and good luck" I murmured, before passing her up to Brant. "You'd best be on your way," I told him.

"Yes, I suppose we should." He turned his horse away. "I love you, Morgan," he said softly, before cantering off towards the forest, leaving me standing there alone with only the sound of the wind blowing the trees to comfort me.

"And I love you too," I whispered, a single tear slipping down my cheek as I watched them disappear into the trees. Gone.


End file.
